Trapped by my poor earning power

[Damnedidont]

My partner and I bought an expensive flat. I had saved enough for the deposit- he had the earning power to get the mortgage. Fast forward 3 years and we have a toddler and dp wants to leave to live his life as a single man. He wants to sell and buy elsewhere and won't consider renting to give me time to amass some capital. Even though he has a very high income. I can't buy him out and I don't earn enough to take over the mortgage. All my support network is here but renting is even more expensive than the mortgage so the best I could manage is a studio flat in a run down area of the city. Dp says I can't move away to a location where I could get a 2 bedroom place because he won't let me take his child out of the area. Is he right?

No he’s not; you can definitely move
Get some legal advice

There is something called a prohibited steps order which can be applied for to get it court ordered that one parent cannot move away. However they aren't just fished out at the behest of anyone who asks. There's more detail here:

www.familyfirstsolicitors.co.uk/moving-away-kids/#:~:text=The%20legal%20mechanism%20for%20stopping,matter%20considered%20by%20the%20court.

I think you need some specific legal advice from a family lawyer if you can get some.

But when he stops paying the mortgage the bank will foreclose and I'll lose the home. I can't afford anywhere near - so I can't stay and I can't go?

Could you get a lodger and stay in the flat?

Sorry, I don't mean to say that your ex could get a prohibited steps order, but he could try to apply for one. I don't think he'd succeed given your circumstances, but I'm not a lawyer. And that assumes that he would follow through on his threat. So often these men just make these threats to try to control you.

Whose name is on the mortgage?

What a fucking bastard.

Is your deposit protected?

Is your name on the mortgage? I’d speak to a broker and see if you can get someone to be a guardian (that’s not the actual term - I can’t remember the actual word).

if he stops paying he’ll never get another mortgage and it’ll go against his credit score.

You can move out of area. You will need to get a solicitor to advise but it’ll be money well spent. Don’t let him bully you.

How is the fast owned? Joint tenants or tenants in common?
how much cms will you get ?
are you working ?

he can’t stop you moving but he can apply to prevent you taking your child - whether he is successful is not known here but you’d be expected to demonstrate why it’s in their best interest to move and his you are going to facilitate their relationship ( and will mean extended periods away from you )

Thanks for all the responses. I could manage the mortgage by taking on extra work and getting a lodger. the problem is that the mortgage provider won't agree as on paper it doesn't look viable. I'm not sure if my deposit is protected - but likely it is we are not married. It's a good point that if he defaults he won't be able to get another mortgage. I had not thought of that. Both of us are on the mortgage. I do need a solicitor - anyone know how much a consultation would cost? My family all have their own mortgages and so don't have the financial resources to help me. He wants 50/50 custody - I think this means I don't get CMS? Not that he wants that much time with his dc - he'll likely dump him on his mother most of the time. My family are miles away. Just stunned and finding it hard to focus on anything

You need a Soliciter
its very different when not married but the basics you need are some maintenance , shared sale of flat and agreement (parenting plan)
given he’s already being an ass I’d get legal advice asap

its alo it cheaper when not married

Assume a good consultation and letter and advice circa £500

if you don’t know whether you ringfenced your deposit then you probably didn’t. If you own as joint tenants or tenants in common 5:50 then he can claim half of it when you sell. So yes you need legal advice asap

You have all been very helpful - thank you so much

The good news is that property prices have generally risen over the last few years, so although he can claim half the deposit, you can claim half the equity, so you may lose or gain depending on equity. Then hopefully you would have the deposite for something cheaper. It would not be deemed unreasonable to move to somewhere cheaper if we are not talking hundreds of miles away, he'd have a job arguing against it. Doubtful he'd really want 50/50 if the bachelor life is for him so should get some decent maintenance given his high wage - what they initially say, and what they do are different things.
How far away do your family live?

If he's a high earner and has lots of equity in the flat he won't stop paying the mortgage and risk repossession.

My family are 120 miles away. They will help with childcare if I am closer to them. I would need to transfer my job but it's doable.