Feel like an idiot - what should I do?

[Peppershades]

I have been with my husband for 23 years and after a very toxic marriage I have decided I want a divorce.
Hes the only partner I’ve ever had as we got together when I was 18. We have 3 kids, I work part time in a low income admin job and he has a relatively well paying, full time job condensed into 4 days. Essentially, he is the breadwinner and I’m financially dependent on him.
He has always been verbally abusive but this past year he has become emotionally and physically abusive. He used to always threaten to leave and I used to be terrified thinking I would end up destitute with my kids.
After discovering £50k of his credit card debt and a horribly abusive year I’ve finally had enough. I’d rather be on my own than live in an unhealthy and toxic relationship anymore.
He has also been unfaithful.
So, I’ve told my family, friends and work and asked him to do the same which he eventually did but now I find myself financially stuck with him.
He is now telling me it’s wrong what I’ve done. I pushed for a divorce but I have no where to go and won’t move out as the kids will be homeless. That I want a divorce but want to continue with him living in the same house and him paying for everything.
If we sold the house I wouldn’t have enough equity to buy another place (definitely not big enough to house 3 kids) and he would have to use the equity to pay off his debt and would likely be in similar situation as he’d owe child support so would struggle to get on the property ladder.
He now won’t stop going on about this and is telling me I look like a right idiot and everyone thinks I’m terrible for forcing a divorce when I’m still heavily reliant on him financially.
Does anyone have any ideas about what I should do next?
he won’t move out and I have nowhere to go.

Seek legal advice as soon as you can and get in contact with your local Women's aid. They will support you in finding a solicitor and exploring your options and it will be done discreetly.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

You certainly need to divorce, due to his abusive behaviour.

However, expecting to continue living in the same house together, with him continuing to pay for everything is ridiculous. You need to see a solicitor.

You will of course both be worse off financially. You'll need to up your hours from part time, I'm afraid and it's likely you'll need to rent rather than purchase a house.

Sounds like you need to get a full time job sharpish. Never ever be financially dependent on a man! There's nothing you can do about the past but you can do your best to create some financial stability for yourself now. And yes, contact Women's Aid

There is always a way out, though it’s not always easy. It might look like you’re tied to him but honestly, you’re not.
Your DH doesn’t want you to have your share of the equity but you’d be better off taking it asap as he has debts ( not secured against the house I hope)
First stop is Women’s Aid, get their advice.
You’ll be entitled to UC, maybe other benefits. Look on entitled to as a start.
It’s good you’ve told others — something your husband won’t like because they know the truth about him now.
One step at a time, each step takes you closer to being free of him.

Write all info down as you get it — I found that helped me see my options more clearly.

Sorry was meant to put that on my own thread would @mumsnet be able to take this off please?

You made a decision to leave him, for excellent reasons which still stand.

Don't worry about what he says, what he tells you needs to happen - remember this man doesn't act in your best interests, he is thinking only of himself. In any case, he isn't a solicitor. He doesn't know how this will pan out any more than you do. Not until you seek legal advice.

Don't panic. Talk to a solicitor. See where you'll stand. You can take it one step at a time, but keep your eyes on the plan - to get away from your abusive husband.

Don't feel like an idiot - leaving him will be the most sane and sensible thing you'll ever do. He's just trying to frighten you in to not going, and not making him look bad.

Good advice here. You must seek legal advice. However the idea of Divorce but continuing to live together while he pays for everything is a non starter. You will need to get a full time job. Go into rented accommodation. Thousands have done it before you. It's not easy but it has to be done.

You need to decide for yourself whether you're an idiot or not. It's not up to him to decide.

Is it?

This might be the worst advice I’ve ever read on MN and that’s saying something.

Don’t go to counselling with an abuser.

OP does not need fucking Scientology. Fuck off with your abusive religion where you literally sanction abuse. Outrageous. Reported.