Feeling unhappy in my marriage

[Veronicaw46]

Hi

I am married 17 years been together 20 and we have two boys. 12 and 15. I have thought for the last few years I just don't love him anymore, I love him as the Dad of our children, someone Ive known for years. But I don't fancy him or enjoy what he's become. He's a great Dad and he has amazing work ethic and he is a good person. I just don't feel in love anymore. He said he loves me. I don't know where I'd start with any of the practicalities of this. The children need me less now as they get older and I don't want to be stuck with him. I feel bad saying it. Does anyone else feel like this?

Yea - i think those are very typical feelings of my friends, mid 40s, teenage kids, life is Groundhog Day in a way. Is this all that is - I guess is the main feeling.

I think a few things are going on there. We are firmly middle age. This is what it is and it’s not easy to accept it. Peri hormones start playing up and affecting how we react to things.
And yes - I think many people do have an unrealistic expectation of what long marriage is. Being in love - it doesn’t last for decades. It’s the feelings from the early phase in a relationship. But in movies and fairy tales - it’s the main event…

I don’t know anything about your life or your relationship. I do know a few people who acted at this phase of life on their general unhappiness and are not necessarily any better now. Peri/meno fog does sometimes drive women in directions they regret.