Never felt so crap before in my life

[Meggie90]

I don’t even know why I’m posting this but I have no one to talk to about this in real life as it’s awkward.

I had a baby 3 months ago with my partner and of course it hasn’t been easy, I feel like I’ve aged horrendously overnight from lack of sleep and spend all day covered in sick, wee and poo from the baby.

My partner came home from work and said he needed to have a lay down because he had a headache and left me to deal with our baby who was crying from trapped wind (would have liked some help from him really but anyway that’s another thread) about an hour later he came downstairs and said he was placing an Amazon order and did I want anything, I said yes and he passed me his phone so I could order what I needed but I accidentally clicked off the app and ended up clicking on the internet app (we have different phones and I have no idea how to use his) what came up was a page full of naked women. I don’t know if it was a porn site or what but I clicked off it and didn’t say anything. Think I was just in shock really as he clearly went upstairs not because he had a headache but to look at these women. I haven’t really spoken to him since and he knows something is up. I feel like I can’t look him in the face really. I am not feeling my best at the moment and it’s just made me feel so crap like I’m not good enough.

I don’t know how or if I should even bring this up to him because nothing like this has happened before but I just wanted to get this off my chest because I can’t stop thinking about it and I feel so down.

I think you need to be honest in that you didn't accidentally click off the app and onto his browser. You're clearly feeling crap at the moment understandably, maybe insecure, you've given birth fairly recently and you're knackered. It's completely normal. Try and have a chat with him about it. Have you discussed porn before?

Your feelings are totally understandable and justified.

So sorry.

He should have been helping you and keeping you company.

Having a 3 month old is all hands on deck.

I agree you need to raise it. Along the lines, “the other day when I was ordering my Amazon stuff on your phone I accidentally switched to the internet app and saw you’d been looking at porn. I’m having a tough time with the new baby and it’s not helping when I’m thinking you got home and faked a headache so you could go and have a wank. Obviously I’d love to be back to full strength with time to take care of myself, sleep, dress nicely, enjoy life, feel desirable and want sex again. I appreciate the porn might just have been something to help you get a quick release without bothering me for sex when I’m tired - but would much rather we talked about it.”

@Ollifer
I totally disagree that the op needs to analyse herself here as to how she came across this information.

Not really that important when you're in the haze of dealing with a baby.

She needs sympathy and validation.

You are right to feel the way you do. Having a 3 month old baby is tough and hard going 💐

I’d be very annoyed and he’d know all about it! Fine if he wants to watch porn in his own time but absolutely not okay to be doing that at the expense of helping you with the baby!

I'm sorry but this is a bit out of order, maybe he did have a quick wank and a lie down! Maybe he didn't want to bring up the fact he was horny to his wife and sorted things himself (as MN always says men should)! Why is that bad?!
If it is bothering you then you need to talk to him.