Has anyone divorced their DH due to their DH's mental health problems? I'm feeling so desperate and don't know what to do. Have been with DH for 22 years, we have two DC (early teens). DH has struggled with his mental health for all of this time - he has been on anti depressants for most of this, and has had a lot of therapy.
Every big life change we have had eg having the children, changing jobs, moving house, as well as smaller life events eg work being done on the house, things needing to be fixed etc has caused him huge amounts of stress, anxiety and depression, which then obviously affected me. I have tried to endlessly support him in so many ways but I feel it has now taken its toll.
He was in a well paid job, but always found it exhausting and stressful and has now left and is on long term sick pay (due to his mental health). He spends most of the day lying on the sofa, watching tv, or listening to music. He has now taken over most of the cooking and clearing up of the kitchen, but the problem is that it is all on his own terms, ie he doesn't clear up throughout the day, the kitchen is left in a state all day then he clears it up at 10pm.
I feel like my self esteem is so low. The house and garden are a total mess. I tried for years to make it all nice, but he refused to help out and got annoyed if I got a workman in. We haven't invited anyone over for years.
I work part time, but I feel so stressed with him around all the time. I don't know what to do. He loves the DC, and being part of a family, but doesn't really interact with them much.
I have told him that I am struggling with him being around all the time, and that his mental health affects me, and he gets annoyed and hurt. I would love for him to maybe go on a break somewhere for a couple of weeks so I could have some headspace, but he has refused, saying that we can't afford it. He loves being at home.
My motivation and self esteem is at rock bottom. I often think of splitting up, but the financial implications would not be good, we would have to sell the family home and have two much smaller places. I would be so worried that the children would really struggle (they are both neurodiverse).
But there is no joy in life, just constant stressing over little things, and a constant depression. I keep thinking things will get better and they never do. I have totally lost hope that his mental health will ever get better and be consistent. I know this is a contentious subject, but having been with DH for this long, and having seen the amount of intervention he has had, with very little postive change, I just think that it is his personality (or something deep rooted that he can't/ won't change)
Does anyone have any idea of how I can get some sort of psychological clarity over this situation? I feel that many people may just say "leave" and while I know this is probably the right way to go, somehow I feel paralysed. I think I have abandonment issues as my father left our family, so maybe that's partly why I am really struggling with this. I think I need to work on building up my self worth before I can make any decisions.
He is not a horrible person, in fact he can be quite nice, just depressed, anxious and self absorbed a lot of the time which I am finding more and more painful to live with. I feel like I do love him, but you can't always live with someone you love. How do I break my attachment to him and work out what is best for me and the children?