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Original poster

Seperating - Is it silly to be more upset about house

12 replies

Cherry85 · 23/05/2023 21:47

I am considering leaving my husband - but to be honest, I'm more upset about the prospect of losing our home. We have been on holiday the past two weeks and it has become clearer and clearer things aren't working and I have been ok with that....but arriving home, I'm overwhelmed with the thought of leaving our house. It is a large house in a lovely village. I have spent so much time and effort decorating the house and working in the garden and it is the only home our son remembers.....I feel really heartbroken at the thought of leaving it x

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 23/05/2023 21:48

It’s one of the reasons I’m staying. I understand.

Ruffpuff · 23/05/2023 21:49

I’m going through a separation at the moment and I feel exactly the same as you. I’m relieved to be leaving the relationship, but the logistics and the change is causing me so much stress and upset. Keeping the house is something I’m trying to battle for, but it’s not really working out and it’s heartbreaking.

roseopose · 23/05/2023 21:53

Same here. I could happily never see him again but I hate change and being in limbo, and I've spent a lot of time effort and money on the house and garden whilst he's moaned and whined about having to lift a paintbrush. I hope things work out for you Flowers

PotsnPan · 23/05/2023 22:01

I love my house, I’ve always wanted to live in this area since I was a child. My DD, 20, is also anxious at the thought of leaving. H has agreed to carry on paying his share of the mortgage and outgoings until DD graduates next year so gives me a bit of breathing space.

H frequently screamed at me in arguments that he never wanted this house and I apparently bullied him into buying it. Didn’t seem to be the case when he was excited to buy his first home on the estate where his family and best mate are all dotted around 🥱

Epidote · 23/05/2023 22:11

No, I don't think is silly is attachment and people is attached to things. Like favourite clothes, furnitures, or a house. Lots of memories and effort.
The case of the house is more noticeable because it is not only the house is the village, places you know a feel comfortable going, people you may know around. Of course if you move you can build that somewhere else and how knows, could be even better, but because you like what you got you don't want to change it.
I'm sure if you were ok with your husband you were not thinking in divorce in the same way that if you did not like your house you were thinking in moving, reform it etc.
It just normal. Don't feel silly about that.

Manth0914 · 23/05/2023 23:55

I'm waiting for a valuation on the home I always wanted. Things are crap. I feel your pain.

WonkyPicture · 24/05/2023 00:03

I am buying husband out of our house, there are some issues I need to work through but I'll do what I can to keep the house on until dd gets through uni, so 5 years. Then I'll be selling up, I actually hate being in the marital home. Everywhere I look is a memory. I have decided to redecorate from top to bottom. I've offered husband furniture, contents etc etc. but we'll need to work through all of that. I just want to be gone, somewhere I can make my own.

4catsaremylife · 24/05/2023 01:27

I got a capital and interest mortgage to buy ex h out of our ex-council semi It's been a real struggle to pay at times over the 17 years since we divorced, but I always managed even when I was existing on Student finance! (I decided to go university to improve my employment prospects) I now only have 4 years left before I have paid it off. I love my home as do my adult DC 2 of who live at home with me (ASD them not me) my ex never paid a penny in child support (going as far as taking a zero hour contract to avoid it). I have great satisfaction knowing I've achieved this on my own and I love it just as much today as the first time I saw it

EmmaEmerald · 24/05/2023 01:32

Honestly, my parents had a number if friends who stated together because neither could bear to give up the house. Which I totally understand.

Weatherwax13 · 24/05/2023 01:32

@4catsaremylife good work 👏 I love posts like yours. All power to you

Alongtimelonely · 24/05/2023 06:49

Not silly at all. You have sunk your energy , hopes and dreams into the house and now it is lovely and full of memories of your dc growing up. Of course it is hard to thinking of leaving it; it is your home. When you think of how you hoped your married life would turn out, when you think about starting again somewhere unfamiliar and probably not as nice, it’s bound to feel horrible.

Is there no other option - you will have to leave the family home?

guineacup · 24/05/2023 07:03

Cherry85 · 23/05/2023 21:47

I am considering leaving my husband - but to be honest, I'm more upset about the prospect of losing our home. We have been on holiday the past two weeks and it has become clearer and clearer things aren't working and I have been ok with that....but arriving home, I'm overwhelmed with the thought of leaving our house. It is a large house in a lovely village. I have spent so much time and effort decorating the house and working in the garden and it is the only home our son remembers.....I feel really heartbroken at the thought of leaving it x

The fact you're more worried about the house shows your ready to separate, and in a good place emotionally to do so. It's healthy - more so than the other way round if you were more concerned about leaving your husband than your house!

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