Am I a bad friend?

[JeyK]

Just seeking some advice, I’m sure some mums would be able to relate…

I have a two-year-old daughter and I’m in my late 20s, I have a friend who I’ve known since we were about 16, and she has recently had a baby about 5 months ago.

I finally feel like I’m at a good place in my life in regards to motherhood and my own life after going through an extremely abusive relationship with my daughters dad, and he no longer has contact with both of us. It was really hard going through the motions with courts etc & I did change a lot as a person (looking back, in a good way) and lost a lot of ‘friends’ in the process. so now I tend to live in my own world and keep myself to myself. It’s a lot more peaceful.

anyways, this friend of mine who has recently had her baby. I was very present during her pregnancy & try my best to message her very often just to check in, I’ve seen her about 3/4 times since she’s given birth. I drive and she doesn’t and we don’t live local to each other, but as I am myself a single mum I can only dedicate so much time to friends, and I know how it feels to have a newborn and adjusting etc so I give her space.

however, over the last few weeks, I feel she’s sort of distancing herself from me and has been putting up things on social media about her other friends and how much they are there for her and ‘true definition of friends’ but didn’t include me, it felt very passive. she also tells me all the things that her friends do for her as if to say I don’t.. (these friends, she mentions have no kids, so of course they can be more dedicated to the friendship). Maybe it’s the empath in me but I can’t help but feel bad like I should be doing more?
I’ve really found myself again recently and have been able to travel more etc, and since then I feel she’s pulled back, she also knows the nightmare my life was about a year ago. But I feel bad about living my life the way I want to.

I always let her know I’m here whenever she needs to talk or anything, but have my own life with not much support at all. She has been one of those people that I would say have a bit of a self-centred streak, but it’s something that I’ve adjusted to and I still love her as a a friend.

I am one of those friends who don’t require much in a friendship and understand we have lives of our own, so maybe I’m realising that others require way more time and attention..should I feel bad?

Are you sure it’s Aimed at you. Are you aware of her whole friendship circle and her relationships so you know it’s you? Or do you often feel things are all about you?

@Littleworkaholic lol this is far from a self cantered question. I’m definitely intuitive enough to know when something is off or someone’s feeling a type of way towards me. the posts just confirmed what I had already been feeling tbh

has been putting up things on social media about her other friends and how much they are there for her and ‘true definition of friends’ but didn’t include me

This sounds ridiculously passive aggressive and immature. It sounds like you're good friends if you've driven to see her 3-4 times in the last 5 months so I'd agree it's weird she's going out of the way to post about true friends and leaving you out. I'm probably just lacking in patience but I actually couldn't be bothered giving it any headspace.

if you're right and these posts are about you then you have encountered a case of entitled leech

if she thinks that makes you a bad friend then it's ok, means less errands for you to run

You've said that she has a self-centred streak and she has recently written something quite passive aggressive and immature on social media. She doesn't sound like a good friend to you.

What kind of a friend was she to you when you when your DD was born? Did she come and visit you? What do you get out of this friendship now?

She sounds like an entitled PITA and you have been as good a friends as you could.

She is needy and demanding.

Only morons post PA posts on SM.

I find the concept deeply moronic, but that is probably my age!

Well done for working so hard to get yourself and your child to a good place.

That was not easy for you.

Leave your friend go.

If she wants to fade you out let her do that.

High maintenance friendships are tedious IMO.

Your daughter is YOUR priority.

Is she happy in her relationship? Is she trying to bring you down?
She’s very petty if she’s posting those things on socials just to get at you and tbh if you feel they are Aimed at you then they probably are, you are clearly being excluded from this.
What more can you do for her? You have your own life. Some people expect others to make all of the effort. She can’t drive so why doesn’t she hop on a bus/train to visit you the same way you drive to her?
It depends on what you want - do you want to keep the relationship or not? If you want to keep it you could maybe try to set up a few play dates or lunches etc. Could you guys do a sleepover or something? Give her an extra phonecall a week? Trying to think of anything here… Why not put the ball in her court and Invite her to yours? The thing is if you’re doing these things to please her; will you start to resent her a little? She’s putting you under pressure and nobody should do that.
after I got married a single friend of mine who was my best friend basically ghosted me. People aren’t always happy for us even our friends. Why is she trying to bring you down?