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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it enough

12 replies

sweettooth22 · 23/05/2023 06:22

Hi I am trying my very best to overcome the horrible heart break of being with someone that you have fallen in love with but not being able to have a relationship with.

Is it ever enough to just think of the times you spent together and the feelings that he has for you even tho you know that nothing more will ever come out of it .

I knew from the very moment we met that I loved him and he also felt the same. I never believed in love at first sight before meeting him.

I have days where I have been so depressed but then days where I think I should be happy knowing that he feels the same about me .

OP posts:
Lampan · 23/05/2023 06:23

I think it depends how it ends/why you can’t be together.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/05/2023 06:25

So one or other of you are married? If so, I can only thing you can do is go absolutely cold turkey.

Bansheed · 23/05/2023 06:25

You will get over it. Think of it like a drug ( it is, the dopamine, adrenalin hits). Just stop. Full stop. Block everywhere. Suppress it and move on. It might take a long time but actively looking for another to replace, also helps.

Goatbilly · 23/05/2023 08:07

Bansheed · 23/05/2023 06:25

You will get over it. Think of it like a drug ( it is, the dopamine, adrenalin hits). Just stop. Full stop. Block everywhere. Suppress it and move on. It might take a long time but actively looking for another to replace, also helps.

Terrible advice to be looking for someone else already... no wonder so many people can't cope with being single

yellowsmileyface · 23/05/2023 08:35

Enough for what exactly?

You can't love someone you've just met. You have to actually know a person to love them. I do believe infatuation at first sight is very real, though. But it mustn't be confused with love. Look up limerance. It may help you to make sense of your feelings.

If you can't be together it's for a reason, and I don't think it's healthy to pine for someone you can't be with. I mean this kindly, but I get the sense you're quite insecure, and romanticising this inappropriate relationship because it temporarily gave you a boost of confidence. Perhaps you'd benefit from therapy?

Original poster
sweettooth22 · 24/05/2023 07:19

Unfortunately for me he is married. I didn't know this when we first met and he didn't tell me for a few weeks after. I have been trying so hard to get over him and him with me also. Thankyou for your comments and understanding.

Not once did I ever think I would fall for a married man and it's awful. I do need to work on my self esteem. And have sought therapy but it just makes me feel even worse.

This man is so different to the rest. As soon as I seen him walking towards me there was an instant connection which I have learnt he felt too.

I never believed in love at first sight but I do now .

As for it being limernace . I have bought books about this and I have been in this situation before with a married man and not once felt the same as I do with him . I easily walked away once I knew they were married.

We try going no contact but always end up communicating again.

OP posts:
Theredjellybean · 24/05/2023 07:26

I'm sorry your going through this.
If he really felt so strongly about you as you think he does or he says he does then you'd be discussing him leaving his marriage.
You'd be planning a timescale for this to happen.
It is totally possible he does love you but bottom line is he does NOT love you enough.
No it won't be enough for you to just think of the happy memories..my best advice from someone who has been in the situation is cold turkey no contact.
Keep busy
Very busy
Accept you'll feel rubbisyfor a while, but honestly like any other heartbreak you do forget eventually

Bansheed · 24/05/2023 07:28

Goatbilly · 23/05/2023 08:07

Terrible advice to be looking for someone else already... no wonder so many people can't cope with being single

Show quote history

I don't know. The old adage of 'to get over someone, get under someone else', helped me. Sex definitely helped. I was then happily casually dating for two years,l while building my career and friends, until I met the love of my live.

Alot of people have a drive to pair up. It is not unusual.

Lampan · 24/05/2023 07:53

He’s a shit then. He deceived you by not telling you he was married. Focus on that.

Goatbilly · 24/05/2023 08:02

Bansheed · 24/05/2023 07:28

I don't know. The old adage of 'to get over someone, get under someone else', helped me. Sex definitely helped. I was then happily casually dating for two years,l while building my career and friends, until I met the love of my live.

Alot of people have a drive to pair up. It is not unusual.

Show quote history

There is a drive to have human connection, sex yes, but romantic relationships and being with "someone" are very heavily societally conditioned (and let's not pretend that single life is prohibitively expensive).

porridgeisbae · 24/05/2023 16:44

He's not a good person OP, especially if he lied/misled about him being married at the start.

That's the type of person he is, and he'd probably do it to you if you were in a relationship with him too- pretend you didn't exist, so he can try it on with someone else.

ZekeZeke · 24/05/2023 20:33

It wasn't love at first sight for him.
Don't believe that crock of shit.
He is a liar and a cheat. He didn't tell you he was married for weeks?
What a cowardly despicable person, carrying on acting like a free agent. Presume you slept together? And obviously he is sleeping with his wife. Although he probably told you they no longer are intimate?

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