I've just had something really disturbing happen and have come here for some advice and a handhold, as I got a lot of really good advice on a recent thread I started (which is ironically about how terrible I've found men in relationships!)
I dated a man a few years back for a total of about three years. He's foreign and I met him abroad (this will become relevant later). I met him at a bit of a low point in my life, as I'd just turned 31 and had never dated anyone due to chronic health issues, and just was starting to feel like I'd never get to have what other people had - a partner, a family, etc. I felt like we really clicked when we met, and I guess I got carried away with the idea that it was romantic and meant to be.
We basically dated long distance the whole time, with both him and me travelling back and forth and me spending up to two or three months at a time in his country. In the last year of our relationship, I caught him taking a photo of me naked after I'd come out of the shower. I felt completely violated, was furious, and immediately broke up with him on the spot. He had the nerve to act like it was just a bit of silly fun and that I was the one in the wrong, and more fool me, I stupidly agreed to carry on the relationship for another few months (long distance) until it finally dissolved in a mess of resentment and anger.
He kept messaging me and in time, I let go of my anger and we had a cordial relationship, texting now and again. He now has a partner and a toddler. The chats were mostly casual and pretty normal and infrequent, until last year he started being extremely annoying, pervy and inappropriate. He sent me a silly porno video/meme asking if it was me in the video. I got extremely irritated and told him to piss off and stop harassing me, and he acted like it was all a big joke. Then a couple of months later, he sent me a couple of photos of me in bed (no nudity), at a hotel we were staying at together during one of our trips a few years back, where I appeared to be asleep. I do NOT remember consenting to them. He said I was just pretending to be asleep and gave him permission to take them but I don't see why I'd have done that. I honestly think he's basically a sex pest at this point. I told him to delete them and any other pics and to leave me alone, and that I'd report him to the police if anything ever turned up anywhere. He was apologetic and swore he'd delete them. I soon forgot about it, with everything else that was going on at the time.
Then, over the past few months, he texted regularly with pointless small talk and nonsense, asking how I was, sending memes, etc. Each and every time I asked him to leave me alone or just didn't respond, and the texts kept coming. Then I got a Facebook request from him and I just lost it. I asked him what the fuck he thought he was doing, that me ignoring him on Whatsapp wasn't an invitation to contact me by other means, and that this had become stalking and harassment. Again, he had the audacity to act like I was being horrible and unreasonable and that he was just trying to be a good friend. He ended up blocking me in a huff.
I'm actually pretty freaked out, and I actually feel like some of his actions are quite chilling. My biggest worry is that he's taken loads of secret pics and videos of me and uploaded them to God knows where, and this has always been one of my biggest fears. Like, I have a phobia and paranoia of people even taking secret photos of me anywhere (like on a bus or train or on the beach), let alone naked or in a sexual situation. I keep trying to talk myself down by telling myself that it's not a big deal, it could happen to anyone, it's not like I'm famous, if they ever turned up anywhere, I could just say they weren't of me, or they were AI generated, but the sense of betrayal is just enormous. How can I ever, ever trust a man again? I stay at Airbnbs all the time and other places there might well be hidden cameras, but I was in a relationship with this man. I trusted him. It's completely destroyed my trust in men generally and my judgement. My parents really liked him so at least I know it's not just me who was taken in, but I still feel like a prize idiot for having trusted him.
I've been having a really hard time these past few months with serious health issues and family bereavements, it's honestly been really difficult to just keep going, and I'm absolutely seething with rage that this complete arsehole is causing me even more hassle and stress. The twat actually KNOWS I'm going through all of this and still thought it was OK to bother me under the guise of "being a friend" and demand my attention after I asked him to leave me alone. The injustice of it all is making me actually shake with anger...I've done nothing but try to be a good, honest, kind person my entire life, and this is what I get in return? For just being lonely and hoping to find a partner? I see now that I was actually an amazing catch back then and never should have given this absolute turd of a person the time of day, but I just couldn't see it then. I felt so lonely. It felt like everyone else was partnered and loved up. And of course, I had no idea what he was actually like.
I don't know what I'm really looking for here, but I feel absolutely broken down. I'm having one of the worst times in my life and on top of everything, I'm now dealing with this. I feel like he deserves to be reported, and I probably should report him, but I'm also not sure I can deal with the fallout and all the extra stress. I'm not even sure anyone would be able to do anything, given that all I have is a couple of photos of me sleeping and screenshots of him texting "hi how are you?" and similar things after I asked him to leave me alone. I feel a little bit better after talking to a friend, who told me to focus on the fact I'm physically safe, not tied to him in any way, didn't have kids with him (thank God), but the entire situation makes me so, so uncomfortable. My friend reckons he's just a pathetic arsehole who probably texts every woman in his contacts when he's feeling horny and bored, and that I should stop letting him take up space in my head, but it's easier said than done, isn't it? I just wish to God I'd never, ever met him.