My abusive ex phoned me today…

[YoSof]

Many years of lies and cheating (only discovered towards the end), and leaving me broken hearted when he walked out and blocked me a year ago.

My mental health was on the floor, I lost three stone in weight it was probably the worst time of my life.

On top of the above there were many instances of abusive behaviour - smashing things up, gaslighting, blocking me for days on end after an argument..too much to mention.

He tried to get back in touch earlier this year, crying down the phone about how much he had changed and wanted me back. I blocked and ignored, but todays absolute gem tops that.

He must have a new number, so he called today to just check how I was (apparently), and then told me how he has lost his job and has a warrant out for his arrest. Oh and THEN he dropped the bombshell that he’s got somebody else pregnant…but, if I will just have him back he’ll tell her to get rid of it. She wants to make a go of things, but he apparently can’t be with someone when he’s in love with me. I pointed out that him “loving me” hadn’t stopped him sticking his dick in multiple other women over the years, so I’m sure he’d manage. He then said he would just have to settle for her if he couldn’t have me. What an absolute prince amongst men.

The tables always turn, despite not feeling it at the time you do always come out stronger, you do wonder what you ever saw in them and they do always come crawling back. I’m just so sorry that there’s another poor woman and child caught up with him and his shit show of a life.

And yes, he is blocked again. I cannot believe how much stronger I feel a year on, my life is much better without him in it. I hope it gives others going through the same a bit of hope x

Well done OP for knowing your worth!

Thank you! It took a while but I got there x

Fabulous OP. You win Mumsnet today. Well done indeed!

The tragedy is this poor pregnant woman. I hope she finds your clarity and strength.

I feel so sad for her.

She’s probably thinking she’s hit the jackpot and he’s still playing the same games. During the call he asked if he could come round to have sex with me 🤢

He will never change, and I’m just so thankful I didn’t have children with him.

Be careful not to post anything too outing OP. You don't want a queue of eager
Mumsnetters beating a path to your door, desperate to steal this prince among men.

💐

Well done. Bet that felt good to knock him back today. So glad his life is a mess and yours isn't 💜💛💚

Name changed just incase 😉

Thank you @YoucancallmeKAREN, I’m not a vengeful person but I do feel some satisfaction that he’s reaping what he has sown.

Well done you - wishing you all the best and then some which isn't one iota less than you deserve.

Bloody well done 👍

❤️

Well done OP. He sounds awful. You should be proud of yourself 💪🏻

He sounds absolutely batshit.

has a warrant out for his arrest.

For what 😮

I didn’t ask.

He really is, he drove by my house twice yesterday that I know of. He said he’s going to make sure I never move on. I’ve woken up today feeling anxious after feeling good yesterday, I think it might be time for police involvement.

Report report report. Even if the police can do little at this point (as they will only have your word that he is driving by your house) they can 'have a word' which might deter him and then if he subsequently is caught harassing you, they can come down heavier because there's a history of him doing it repeatedly. Make sure you tell them that you are anxious - 'victim is frightened' is one of the criteria they use to assess your level of risk.

If he tries again to communicate with you, as long as its safe to do so - try recording any future communication he may make. Thinking in advance about how you might do this will make it more likely you can do it if it happens.

Defo call the police op or this will just escalate. He's stalking you if driving past your house- it's great that you're feeling stronger so take control and don't give him any more chances x

Thank you both.

I’d really rather not answer his calls - I have unknown numbers blocked but I get a notification when they try to ring and there was over 20 yesterday, I think me not answering is what lead to him driving by.

If he tries to call today I will answer and record, that’s a good idea. I can use my work phone as a second phone to record.

Well done, for not being reeled back in.
In my area, the Police will inform Social Services if a perpetrator of domestic abuse has a pregnant partner. This is due to the potential risk to the baby and to possibly undertake an assessment.

I didn’t know that.

I just want him to leave me alone, it’s been ages since we split up and I’m finally happy and my life is so peaceful. Reporting feels like it will just blow everything up, but I hate him appearing again every few weeks/months with his crazy behaviour.

I’m going to change my number and I’m seriously considering moving.

Change your phone number and then also block all of his known numbers. He wouldnt be able to contact you then.

id report him, better to inform others of the potential if there is a child involved

"Going to make sure (you) never move on..." is one helluva threat and in your shoes, I would have no hesitation in involving the Police. You dont risk blowing things up because this stalker is already doing that!