Hi,
I found out my husband was having an affair. He told me it was emotional but I don't believe him. He was dropping hints and admitted that he wanted me to find. I found out once I went through his phone. I didn't see all the message but the some that he didn't delete.
The marriage was awful before, no sex, separate bedrooms and constant fighting and ignoring.
I don't blame him one bit but I wish I didn't know. It's just messing with my head and making me feel like I can never trust him.
Since then I want a divorce as I don't think I can trust him.
Now this is where it gets twisted. I have done the same but had sex ! It was purely to seek some attention, feel desirable. The state of our marriage is awful.
For some reason I feel his affair meant more than mine. He actually liked her and thought about a life with her (he admitted this to me).
I had sex several times with the same man. There was no emotional ties etc. my husband will never find out and I will never tell him.
I just can't get over how i am feeling. I feel I don't have a right to feel like this esp when I have has sex with another man.
Long story short, I have been trying my best to save our marriage. Knowing he has/could have been with another women made me desire him, I want to save our marriage as he is a good person deep down. He is a really complex person, suffers from addiction (in recovery) depression undiagnosed ADHD and ASD which are all major factors of our declining marriage.
I want to try everything I can to save the marriage and wanting to try Stephen Hedger? Or any other marriage coach therapist?
Please share any recommendations.
I know I have done the same and we probably shouldn't be together as true love means respecting etc but without writing a book here... a lot has happened throughout our marriage of 13 years, more sadness than contempt.
Please try not to judge or write any mean comments. I will of course be open to hearing thoughts in a constructive manner.
Thank you for reading this.