This is not an easy story, will try to summarise it as much as I can.
My DF and her DH have been together ever since they were teenagers, they both only ever had each other and ended up getting married and having a child (as adults) even though they were clearly making each other unhappy. They just always had the type of relationship where they don't agree on anything, continuously argue and have screaming matches etc. Things have gone much worse since they had their DD 5 years ago. He suffers with anxiety and has a very bad temper and has the habit of screaming at them when he is upset, becomes verbally abusive, especially with my friend (never physically it seems) and just utterly unreasonable. They have been up and down continuously over the tears, tried couple's therapy (which he didn't want to do but was almost forced to and obv didn't work out), tried to talk, etc but nothing seems to make a difference.
I think DF is stuck because she is now in a position where he is all she has ever known relationship-wise and they have a DD and doesn't want to be a single mum. On top of this, she also fears he will be ever more horrible as her "enemy" so prefers to stay together and "fight" for the family instead. Every time there is a big argument she calls me upset and in tears saying she doesn't want to raise her DD like this and she doesn't know what to do... then they somehow leave it behind them and just carry on until the next argument... etc etc.
Personally, I feel she is wasting her life to be with someone who not only has serious issues, but is also completely incompatible with her, as well as verbally and emotionally abusive and she is also exposing her DD to these family dynamics and unhappiness. I do understand how difficult the whole situation is though, it's not like walking away from a boyfriend you've just met. I am always there for her and all I do is listen and try to keep an open mind and not judge her but I wonder whether I should be doing more instead?
I just wish she took the courage to leave him and finally start a life without him but she doesn't seem to be wanting that, she keeps saying the should try couple's therapy again with a new therapist (her DH is dead against it)...
What would you do in these circumstances? I think they will never break up and will just be one of those families that carry on like this all their lives, maybe things will be better once their DD is an adult and leaves home, maybe not, I am not sure.