People only get in touch when they want something

[Ontime]

I'm feeling a bit fed up today with friends in general. I messaged my mate to see if she wants to go the cinema and she said yes and asked how I am. I told her what I have been up to and asked how she is and she's basically not messaged me back. She only seems to get in touch when she's got nothing else to do. There's also a male friend who i message and I said to him we should meet for a coffee and a catch up some time and he just said yes and that was it. Another older female friend I have, I asked her to let me know when shes free and we will meet up and she said yes that's fine as she's got a bus pass now and will let me know when she's free - that was months ago and no further reply from her. Finally I got chatting to a guy in my workplace but he is based in another office in another city and we were getting along (both single) but since last Thursday he's gone quiet and no longer says "hi" to me. I feel like I'm constantly making the effort and no one cares. Does anyone else find this?

Yup I can totally relate to this
It's forced me to join apps like Meetup so that I don't feel like I'm constantly 'harassing' my existing friends

Yeah I have joined Meetup but the only group by me seems to be only a book club and menopause teams chats. I have joined a running club which I'm enjoying. I just wished my friends would make a bit of an effort.

Yes. I agree, it seems very one-sided. I blame technology getting in the way of reality but then I tend to be more spontaneous than a lot of my friends who prefer things to be a bit more planned. However whatapp helps co-ordinate social events.

All your messages seem very vague and putting the onus on the other person to arrange something. Try being more direct: would you like to meet for a coffee on Saturday morning/go to the cinema next Friday and see if that gets a better response.

Yeah I have tried that too, but I always get a response back saying they are working or busy with their kids on that day, so that's why I end up leaving them to tell me when they are free as I have no little ones you see.

Maybe they just don’t value meeting up as much as you do? If you are able could you organize a group thing if you’re all in the same friend group? I find that works really well as we all get the chance to see each other in the one night. You mentioned they have kids some of them, maybe you could make a deal of their kids bday and get the child a little gift, drop it over to the house and have a chat then? It is very tough I find to get the energy to meet friends after a week at work, family stuff, and anything else thay gets in the way, and I don’t even have kids! Could you focus on doing more fun stuff yourself where maybe you could meet other people who are more similar to you in that they have more free time?
It’s very tough really because if you go in too much, it’ll just look desperate and if you don’t ask, you’ll look like you don’t want to see them. I wouldn’t keep asking anyway, I’d change the reasons for seeing them as above, see if that helps.