I think I hate my DP

[Janos]

Feeling very down at the minute. I have a 5 week old ds who I absolutely love to bits and I know DP does as well.

Dp has just gone back to work and I just find myslef feeling so angry with him all the time. I am completelye xhausted from looking after DS all day whenever DP gets homw there is a big deal about how he is so tired/so hungry, what a stressful day he has had at work, what is for dinner? Other day he was moaning about the state of the house.

If I say how how tired I am it's immediately 'me too'. What is awful before he was doing stuff to help with DS but now barely does anything.

Would probably not be sobad if I wasn'r having so many problems feeding DS. He was nearly a month premture and has problems BF (which I really wanted to do) so he is getting a combination of breast/bottle which I am really worried about, currently I Ihave tried evrything and he is still crying, have just had to take a break for 5 mins to write this.

I know I must sound awful and DP is good in a lot of ways but this is really getting me down. I feel like taking DS and not coming back. What can I do ?

When he gets home. Hand him baby. go and lie down for an hour. When you get up ask him whats for dinner. Put telly on, sit in front with vacant look on face.

newborn far more tiring than any job. and it will be for a few months until you regain your strength, find your feet and get some good systems going.

Thank you all so much! Fritz, your offer is really kind but I'm actually in Edinburgh,if you still want to come up ..

What really got me today (and got me posting this message) was that I had a horrible migraine this morning (I mean about 1am-when I was woken up for ds's feed). I was lying there feeling really ill, thank g_d I had expressed some breast milk as I didn't feel capable of trying to feed. of course poor little DS needed changing as had wet himself and been sick, so I had to change, clean and feed a bawling baby all while feeling I was going to be sick, head pounding. Of course DP 'slept' through the whole thing. I told him later before he left for work and he said oh you should have woken me up I was thinking well I tried to and you ignored me!!!!! At the time I was thinking, I really, really hate you.

It's not that he is a horrible/bad dp either - just thoughtless and clueless when it comes to the practical side of lookign after ds (he loves all the cuddles etc!). For example, I have to do all the sterilizing etc If I want him to do anything like that I seem to end up nagging cos that's the only way it gets done. Anyway he has agreed to look after DS tonight as I rang him at work to explain how bad I was feeling so maybe he will underatnd a bit more.

Think I will def look into homestart and sure start.

I agree re housework, it can go to h*ll in handbasket for all I care.

it does get better janos, and the best thing is when they sleep through the night. dd2 is now 8 wks and she has slept from 11 til 6 for 2 wks now!!!

so you never know

DS seems to be sleeping so I can have a bit of a rest...due for a feed soon, time for a cuddle and lie down I think.

Thank you all again - Flum cross posts!

I suppose I don't really hate DP I just wish he was a bit more helpful and understanding.

of course you dont hate him

we all feel these things sometimes and here on mn you get support and understanding

when he comes in tell him you love him with a huge smile and kiss

nailpolish I live in hope - he is starting to sleep a bit longer and take bigger feeds altho he is bringing up quite a bit. Fingers crossed 11 to 6 sounds like absolute BLISS as I haven't had more than 4 hours of undisturbed sleep/rest since before he was born.

Tanks nailpolish

Jellytots sounds great but I don't drive so quite hard to get to from me (I'm at the other side of Edinburgh) maybe will venture out hen I've passed my driving test. DS does like staring at things - DP says his eyes follow me out the room if he is holding ds and I walk out! (Ds's eyes, not Dp's, obviously )

Excuse the bad typing everyone. Combination of headache and sleep deprivation !

Janos, do you take the triptan medicines when you get a migraine. I get migraines too and they have restored my life to normalcy (except when pregnant cause can't take them then). They also caution when breastfeeding. But, triptans leave your system within a few hours. So you could express and throwout a feed or two and get on with your day.

Sumatriptan (Imigran / Imitrex)
Naratriptan (Naramig)

There are some others too. You need a prescription and shouldn't take the combined pill if you suffer from migraines with aura (but you probably already know that).

Yep agree Edinburgh is a bit far! so you won't be seeing me any time soon as I thought with dp not getting involved in the practical side of things (this will also get him to make a will) just mention that should you end up in hospital - as anyone knows accidents can happen at any time, he will be left in the poo, if he doesn't know how to care for ds, so he better get his arse in gear and learn fast! and don't let him say, ooh my mother/your mother will have him, because they may not! sorry bit of a rant there....

Uwila, I just usually take normal painkillers as that is what we have in the house - paracetemol (left over from my stay in hospital. I normally find the best thing for me to do is lie down in a dark room and sleep it off, of course I couldn't do that with ds but fine once dp got home ok so feeling better now.

Just wanted to let you all know that DP has been lovely since getting home from work (early), let me sleep and is looking after ds - who has been as good as gold of course for dad!

Friz