Life is more stable, but more boring, without a relationship

[Lieslies]

I kicked my ex out in September after he had an affair and I'm gradually coming to terms with being alone.

I don't think I'll ever want another relationship. I've always been pretty independent, I'm okay on my own, have a reasonably active social life and plans. Life is definitely more stable, peaceful, and with far less anxiety.

But...its all a bit serious and a bit po-faced. I miss doing utterly ridiculous daft things and giggling. I miss in-jokes and someone going out of their way to make me laugh. I do laugh with my friends of course, but a couple of times a month isn't the same as those regular small interactions. I miss the mutual acceptance of weirdness. Laughing out loud.

But that seems to be it as far as missing being in a relationship goes.

Is there a way to recover this without people just thinking you are a loon, or do i have to accept life is just going to be less silly now and finally grow up in my 50s?

No, you don't have to resign yourself to a non-silly life. It sounds like you are going through a period of re-adjustment in the absence of your ex. In the same way, if your ex had been an amazing cook you would now be missing the fabulous meals but ultimately you would re-adjust, and maybe learn to cook for yourself. It sounds like you chose stability over fun, because ultimately that's what keeps us sane, but given that you were capable of having such fun with someone I am sure you will have fun again, whether with someone else, with friends or just with yourself. (Sadly, if me and DP were to split it is not fun I would miss, cos he is a po-faced serious git at the best of times!!! ;.))

Not at all, you sound like you have your head screwed on/drama free, so definitely never say never. I think the problems are when people are so damaged/have so much baggage, that being alone is their happiest option. You definitely don't sound that way. I'd carry on as you are, but be open to dating if someone lovely came your way.

I get what you mean though, and have sortof accepted being on my own myself. I prefer stability/peace!