Porn in newish relationship

[Jane881]

I met my partner around 16 months ago, we live about 30 miles away so only see each other once /twice a week but I'd say we're close in the sense were always in contact.
Were so happy together. Sex is amazing when we see each other. We've just been on out first holiday abroad together and we were searching the bet on his phone which came up Pornhub in the search/browser. We'd had a drink and I didn't make a big deal of it. He didn't seem to think anything of it but was a bit embarrassed.

I didn't think anything of it at the time, I've looked on it myself before and I told him that. Now.... I'm getting a bit insecure and thinking is this normal so early on into a relationship /in a relationship or is it because he likes something else sexually. I don't think my ex of 9 years watched it or certainly didn't mention it.

I'm also mindful we don't live together /see each other that often
What would you think? Am I overreacting?

Yup....

But if you're uncomfortable, that's completly fine. You decide where the line is, he either complies or waves goodbye

Look people are going to pile on and say how exploitative it is and how they wouldn’t be with someone who uses porn so brace yourself for that. All I will say is that porn use is not about fulfilling a need because somethings lacking in a relationship… it’s entirely separate. It’s like eating junk food when you have ingredients for a nice meal.

Depends what he’s watching, why don’t you just ask him what he likes. I wouldn’t worry at all. But given people’s reactions to my attitudes towards sex on other threads perhaps I’m just a slutty sex fiend.

It would trouble me because I don't like it, and think it's far too easily accessible these days. I don't see it has any place in a fairly new relationship.

But we all have our own lines.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it or anything to worry about as long as it's nothing dodgy

Porn doesn't bother me. I watch it on a regular basis myself.

I live with my partner but our shifts often mean we don't get much time together. It wouldn't bother me if he was watching it. If anything I'd be curious and want to watch it with him. It can be fun.

It depends on how you feel. How do you feel about him watching it? You’ve stated that you feel insecure about it so you maybe aren’t the happiest with him watching it.
I don’t personally think that you are over reacting. The thought of porn in a relationship makes me sick to my stomach. Watching other women while you are in a relationship is wrong in my opinion. Some people don’t mind and that’s fine for them, I accept everyone’s opinion on it it’s just that that’s my personal one.
Think about it a little more and see how you feel. Really think about what it is, what it means and how it makes you feel.
If you are very uncomfortable or even a little uncomfortable I think you should say it. Men don’t need to watch porn. That’s simply not a good enough excuse in my books. If this man cares for you he won’t want you feeling insecure and he’ll change his ways. Best of luck x

I don't think 16 months is a particularly "new" relationship at all and isn't really relevant here. Yes, you may still be in a honeymoon phase, but don't kid yourself that you're all he ever fantasies about, especially as the initial novelty will have worn off by now however good things are generally and however good the sex is.

If a man likes to use porn, especially if he's in a relationship where he's apart more often than he's with his partner (as is the case here), he'll use it whether the relationship is 16 days or 16 years old...

Whether you are prepared to tolerate that is another matter.

This, I'm of the same opinion.

I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who watched porn - of any kind. I'd never tell someone they couldn't watch, but it would change my feelings towards them and therefore I'd just end it.

Best just ask him, tell him how you feel and gage his reaction.

Some people are OK with it. Some will put up with it. For some it's a dealbreaker.

And for those who object, it's often not about jealousy or insecurity but about a moral objection to the porn industry.

Think about where you stand, what your honest opinion is. Then talk to him and explain it to him.

He's entitled to choose to watch porn. You're entitled to not want to be with someone who watches porn. You may decide you're incompatible because of this issue.

The bigger problem would be if you felt you couldn't say anything, couldn't be honest about your feelings, had to keep quiet and 'put up' with behaviour you don't like. That's a dangerous road to take in a relationship.