Do my BIL and SIL dislike me?

[Birdsongnicky]

I can’t work my BIL and SIL out. Essentially I feel like they both blow hot and cold with me, but particularly the SIL who is my DH’s brother’s wife. Over text she seems fairly happy to meet up (we both have children) though never suggests it, when sometimes BIL doesn’t want to meet. When we are together, although we have quite a lot in common the conversation is never really there and feels awkward. She will answer questions I ask but never expand upon the answers, and not ask me any questions about my life. They both take the mick because my 3 year old boy still throws tantrums sometimes and I feel so embarrassed when they do that - their children were by no means perfect at that age and a comforting “it’s just a phase” comment wouldn’t go amiss from someone who has been there before me.

I don’t know, it’s hard to unpack it all here, but I just know that after being with them I feel anxious/down…

Well, mine definitely don't like me and I certainly don't like them.
So we never meet up.

@Birdsongnicky

I agree with @TheShellBeach

Just cause you are related to them through marriage,
It does not mean you have to like them or want to spend time with them,

keep interactions with them to the minimum, least amount you can get away with in future,

no need to feel or put up with feeling like bit shit by your DiL or SiL .!

Just like in life, you are not allways going to even like or get on with everyone you meet , !

that's just way it is. !

Why stress tie yourself in knots worrying over something you have zero control over what's ever...

By the way them making you feel anxious, not comfortable, is obviously not good,

It is your gut reaction, your intuition, telling you that something is off, that they are not the kind of people who are right, good for you to be around with much ect.!

Take heed of this ,listen to this.!

Focus on good friends or and acctracting good people friends around you and supportive family members on both sides if possible,

then what " bit off, weird" BiL and SiL , thinks or acts the way about you will drift fade so much into the background, you will wonder why you used to worry so much what they think about you@Birdsongnicky

as you will have lovely supportive good friends and interests hobbies and supportive other family members around you,

So will think in near future,
"I don't give a shit 💩 what BiL and SiL, really think of me,"as their thoughts and feelings are so low down on my list of concerns,

that it's allmost like they don't exist like ghosts ,

Sometimes it’s just like that with certain people. You can’t gel with everyone. I’ve spent the morning with my brother’s partner. He’s been with her 7 years and they live at the other end of the country so only see them a couple of times a year, but after the initial pleasantries it’s just bloody hard going. She’s nice enough, I’m nice enough but it doesn’t go beyond that and I’m fine with that.

Actually, DH and I met SIL and BIL for lunch recently and it was awful.
I don't know why I agreed to go, but after ten minutes I got upset and left the restaurant, making a firm decision never to meet up with them again.
They were so rude, and kept referring to an incident which they knew had upset me.

It was my fault for going, of course.

Keep away from negative, nasty people, OP.

It doesn't matter who they are, if they don't make you feel good don't bother spending time with them. Surround yourself with positive people who you can be yourself with.

My BIL works with me. At work, he’ll sit next to me, chat with me if we pass each other during the day etc.
He lives with my parents in law. When I visit them, it’s a different story. He heads off almost immediately for a ‘drive’ and doesn’t come back til I have left. I find it rude, I don’t visit them a whole pile ( maybe 1/2 a month) and I feel the least he could do is stay and have a coffee and fake some sort of enthusiasm about my being there. When my husband visits without me during the week - he doesn’t go on these ‘drives’ ever. It leaves me feeling confused really , I’m just not sure why he acts that way with me when he is nice at work. Like is he sick to his stomach that his parents enjoy my company and he doesn’t want to see it happening? I can’t figure it out.
I suppose our in laws don’t need to like us and we don’t need to like them. In a perfect world we’d all slot into one big happy family. Maybe it feels even worse for you meeting them because you are aware beforehand of how awkward you feel it is at the times you guys do meet. If I was you , I’d limit the time I spend with them. You are under no obligation to hang out with them. If it makes you feel bad, then don’t do it. If they don’t particularly like you in the first place, they won’t question it.