Did I Overstep the Mark with DSS?

Lutherstie · 2023-05-21T15:30:32+00:00

Been out today with BF, my DD (12), DSD (14) and DSS (7) We’re having a lovely time, waiting for our turn to do an activity, DD and DSS were racing each other. DSS slipped on some gravel and scraped his leg. BF was (I feel), really mean to DSS and told him he’d get no sympathy as he shouldn’t have been running around. DSS was crying, he’d scraped his leg and was bleeding. BF made no love to help or comfort him, so I went ahead and took DSS to the car, cleaned his leg and got him a plaster, etc. BF didn’t comment, didn’t thank me for looking after him and didn’t check that DSS was okay. Was I wrong to do what I did? Not sure if I overstepped.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 21/05/2023 16:31

No. He was a prick. You did the right thing.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/05/2023 16:33

Your BF sounds like a dick. I wouldn't want to spend time with a man who has no empathy for his child's pain.

TheApplianceofScience · 21/05/2023 16:33

Get rid of that sub human at the earliest opportunity.

Pixiedust1234 · 21/05/2023 16:35

Agree with above.

However...if he can treat his own child this way then it doesn't bode well for your future. He's not going to be caring or supportive of you either as it will always be your own fault. You've been warned.

Malificent1 · 21/05/2023 16:36

Poor kid, he’s 7! Of course he needed care.

Freefall212 · 21/05/2023 16:37

I am okay with some natural consequences. Especially if DH had told him to stop running. I don't think he needs sympathy here at all, empathy sure, but not sympathy. We certainly don't do big displays of sympathy and comfort over a scrape.

How badly was it bleeding. You should have talked to DH first and said he is bleeding, one of us needs to take him to the car and clean his leg, do you want to take him or should I.

There is nothing wrong with using times like this to teach life lessons and to have kids experience natural conseuqences. There is a difference between being mean and vs allowing your child to learn and grow from their life choices. A different parenting approach to swooping in to ensure they learn nothing, taking on responsiibility for their choices, and focusing on making them not feel anything but good emotions.

I don't know if he was mean or just has a different approach to parenting. We are probably more like him. I would not be making a big deal over a minor scrape either that came from running around in a place where he wasn't supposed to run.

Frogger8395 · 21/05/2023 17:09

I’d be really annoyed if you did this with my son. You're judging him for not helping, not comforting him or asking if he was ok. Of course he was ok, he didn’t need help as it was just a scrape. I don’t know why you’ve portrayed him in this neglectful way. Are you trying to prove your a better parent than him?

Scraped knees are a regular occurrence in young children. Are you going to do this every time there’s a scraped knee?

billy1966 · 21/05/2023 18:03

Gravel is really sore to fall on.

Perhaps he shouldn't have been running about, but he is 7 and that would have been very painful.

Your boyfriend is a nasty prick and I would be seriously unimpressed.

This is a boyfriend and he has two children.

They are not your children. You are not their step mother.

Be glad you haven't married a man that feels the need to make an example of a child that hurt themselves.

Protect YOUR child from his righteous point scoring with a child.

You did the right thing to look after the child when his nasty father wouldn't.

Worrying you don't seem sure.

Don't be one of those women who puts a prick ahead of her child.

I hope you are not planning on sharing a home with him.

icelollycraving · 21/05/2023 18:07

Poor little boy. Your bf is a prick.

porridgeisbae · 21/05/2023 18:09

Scraped knees are a regular occurrence in young children. Are you going to do this every time there’s a scraped knee?

I'dve thought most people would at least clean it a bit, otherwise it could go manky. And a plaster if there's an actual cut-looking thing somewhere on it.

This is all basic wound care to prevent infection etc.

MightyEagle · 21/05/2023 18:18

You'd have to have a heart of stone not to help a young child who's bleeding and crying.

I know some parents (including some on this thread) seem to see it as badge of honour, refusing to raise kids who "make a silly fuss" about being hurt or upset. I wouldn't want to make a life with any of those people.

K8ate · 21/05/2023 18:34

He sounds like a truly terrible person.
You definitely did the right thing.

What on earth is wrong with some people?

Freefall212 · 21/05/2023 18:57

There are two camps of parents. A toddler falls and starts to cry, mom garbs baby and sobs with her, oh no baby, how could this happen to you, so awful, and both cry for ages vs parent who says, hey baby, you are okay, smiles and says lets go and look at this and toddler stops crying and goes to look at next thing.

Smae thing with a 7 year old with a scrape. Some will fall apart - stop the activity, we need to rush to the car, child is wounded, help, someone get us help, we need first aid, child is wounded, get this wound cleaned and bandaged. Poor child, such an awful things. Other parents - it is scrape, you will be okay, better to not run in this lot full of gravel, we will clean it when we get home.

monsteramunch · 21/05/2023 18:59

There's a huge grey area between those two extremes @Freefall212

And the majority of people fall into that grey area, not the two extremes.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/05/2023 19:01

Frogger8395 · 21/05/2023 17:09

I’d be really annoyed if you did this with my son. You're judging him for not helping, not comforting him or asking if he was ok. Of course he was ok, he didn’t need help as it was just a scrape. I don’t know why you’ve portrayed him in this neglectful way. Are you trying to prove your a better parent than him?

Scraped knees are a regular occurrence in young children. Are you going to do this every time there’s a scraped knee?

Is she going to clean up a scrapped knee so there's no dirt in it, wipe up the blood so it isn't running down his leg, put a plaster on so it stops bleeding and give hi ma hug because he's crying? I should hope so. He's 7 not 30.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/05/2023 19:02

Freefall212 · 21/05/2023 18:57

There are two camps of parents. A toddler falls and starts to cry, mom garbs baby and sobs with her, oh no baby, how could this happen to you, so awful, and both cry for ages vs parent who says, hey baby, you are okay, smiles and says lets go and look at this and toddler stops crying and goes to look at next thing.

Smae thing with a 7 year old with a scrape. Some will fall apart - stop the activity, we need to rush to the car, child is wounded, help, someone get us help, we need first aid, child is wounded, get this wound cleaned and bandaged. Poor child, such an awful things. Other parents - it is scrape, you will be okay, better to not run in this lot full of gravel, we will clean it when we get home.

Erm, no
Just that.

You're wrong.

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/05/2023 19:05

He’s horrible. So what if he’d been told to stop running, he's 7 and was hurt. You obviously know you didn’t do the wrong thing. Did you not ask your boyfriend later on why he didn’t comfort his son?

neilyoungismyhero · 21/05/2023 19:09

Doesn't matter who it was it's basically human kindness in my opinion whether they're 7 or 70.

Stripedbag101 · 21/05/2023 19:39

You are lucky. He is just your boyfriend - it’s a shame his children have an arse for a dad - but you can walk away.

they aren’t your step kids - although they would be lucky to have you

RedRosette2023 · 21/05/2023 19:41

No of course that’s not excessive. I would have done that for any child in my care. Some people are just geared up like that. I have a friend who would always be the first to administer first irrespective of whether the children’s parents are there or not!

porridgeisbae · 21/05/2023 22:14

Smae thing with a 7 year old with a scrape. Some will fall apart - stop the activity, we need to rush to the car, child is wounded, help, someone get us help, we need first aid, child is wounded, get this wound cleaned and bandaged. Poor child, such an awful things. Other parents - it is scrape, you will be okay, better to not run in this lot full of gravel, we will clean it when we get home.

Like PP's said, there's a golden mean or several golden means in between. There doesn't have to be a massive smothering fit, but a clean up/plaster so the child doesn't get a manky knee. If someone had ignored it to 'teach them a lesson' and the child got sepsis and died, I like to imagine most of the ignorers would feel pretty bad. So it's not worth it. Or even if it just got manky in a few days' time and needed further care- that's hastle that people could've saved themselves having.

Dery · 21/05/2023 23:44

Children need to be able to run around. It doesn’t sound like you were somewhere where he needed to stand still. So he was behaving like a 7 year old child and that is good and natural. I think there is no harm in comforting an injured child, especially when they’re still pretty young, and it takes a cold heart not to do so. Sounds like your BF has a cold heart and/or he’s lazy and couldn’t be bothered. In your shoes, I would be unimpressed with your BF.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 22/05/2023 07:52

This thread is weird
of course you didn’t
he was injured and needed care and he’s SEVEN

your bF sounds 🥶

Divorcedalongtime · 22/05/2023 08:22

Of course you help a child who is upset, your BF seems mean.