It’s not just the simply he’s doing this and controlling everything, nothing gets resolved at all.
so for instance I have my limits with it, for the most part I can get on with it as long as it isn’t accompanied with his attitude. OR when has really annoyed me that day (not conforming and sticking up for myself) I’ll say something like “why can’t we do my suggestion” he avoids the question and then tells me everything since he got up that he’s thought of this or that, if needs doing etc etc. Then I’m left with saying okay, but now I’m asking if we can do this, your not going for anything I’m offering here at all, so why not? Avoids the question again. Repeats what he just said again. I’m getting more and more angry at this point that two things happen from this. I shut up and go away in the next room. This seems to bother him enough to stop doing anything he WAS doing. To which he comes in the front room (where Iam) have a face on and not say anything. I’ll ask if he’s okay, says yes but his actions don’t match that. He’s in the room saying nothing at all, stood up staring at a wall. Or option 2 tell him to leave the conversation as it’s going no where or heading for an argument. (I was right) this causes the argument. I ask him to leave it, he won’t at all I can walk away into a different room. I can walk away to another floor (bed room) I ask him harshly (ranges from swearing at him to actually threaten to hit him if he doesn’t)
I can leave house get in my car and no matter where I drive to when i get chance to glance at my phone there he is in my messenger.
my reaction to this is getting worse the more and more it goes on. I’ve started to flip my lid over it. When I do I’m talking screaming shouting slamming door to the point at the side of my bedroom door has no plaster left on it. I’ve smashed a fan up in room out of sheer frustration. I’ve scribbled words from a song on my wall (I listen to some fucked stuff) “your not talking to me your talking to a scarecrow” “ you can’t kill me if I’m already dead” “buried alive by the things that they said” “I’ve killed myself but no1 knows” “secret suicide but no1 can tell, disappearing hurts less” ( I promise it’s. Song by citizen solider-scarecrow ) I often have bruises on my wrist/hands from hitting something I’ve smashed my phone up a few times as it happens to be in my hand he he comes back at when from telling him for the 10th time to leave me be.
now as soon as I’ve reached this point if I get there, that’s when he wants to talk “I promise I listen to every word you say” “but Iam trying to change” “I dunno how long to leave you for” “Sorry sorry”
i don’t want to hear it at this point, I want what I want, to be left alone to calm down or cry by myself. I don’t do these things to get my own way and I 1000% do no want my own way after I’ve gone this crazy for it.
few nights ago was one of those nights, I wake up the next morning him showing me this video on YouTube about someone explaining how it feels to have BPD. I listened to it and I agree yes a lot of what was said there could cover a lot of his emotions etc reactions etc. (yet before this according to him mental health isn’t a thing, you just get on with it) so by this you can assume I’ve tried to have alot of conversations before about it (I do have mental health anxiety)
neither of us work atm, he did. Tattoo artist, covid made that harder and alot of his issues have come with that.
currently at a loss.
we had another two arguments today and tonight. He says he wants to make it better tomorrow.