DH and I have a baby boy together, he also has a daughter from a previous relationship aged 7.
His daughter is the first grandchild and niece born into the family. The previously youngest person in the family is in his 20s so she is the light of all their lives. She’s treated like a princess, wants for nothing, they take her to theme parks and holidays constantly and she has more toys than a toy shop.
Since I announced my pregnancy the family were quite cold with me (excluding MIL who was fantastic throughout) and they ramped up the spoiling and favouritism with my step daughter. Completely understandable to avoid making her feel jealous or left out, but this has never been an issue as she’s enjoyed every moment of my pregnancy and the baby’s arrival. We’ve been very lucky to have a smooth transition with her. However all this is at the expense of our baby.
Since he has arrived no one has visited him or shown interest (again excluding MIL). No one has bought any gifts (not expected but as they buy my step daughter gifts weekly I thought they’d get the baby an outfit or toy for example). No one has asked how he is or how the birth went. Photos have gone read but ignored.
Step daughter spends one weekend a month at MIL house which is when the family spend time there to see her. They are nowhere to be seen on the other weekends. When we have step daughter at our house they will ask to come along to parks etc to see her, but they plan it for rare days I won’t be there. MIL skirts the issue when we visit without the other relatives there, saying they’re doing xyz, but I feel there is more to it that she’s aware of.
All of this is clearly making DH upset although he hasn’t expressed how he feels, he pretends there’s no issue so I don’t get upset, but it’s past that now as I’m very aware they have no care for my son. Whilst I think they’re awful people for behaving that way and I’d prefer not to see them again, I feel sad for him that he will grow up in his sisters shadow and relatives will not treat him the same way or spend time with him. I have no family so these people are the only extended family he has.
I love my step daughter to pieces to add, she’s a child and it’s certainly not her fault how the adults are behaving (as I know step parents are often penalised on here and accused of hating their step children). She loves her brother and we are a very happy family.
It feels personal although I believed I had a great relationship with all of DH relatives prior to this, something must have caused this. They despised DH ex (step daughters mum) and wouldn’t speak to her throughout their relationship, but for valid reasons I won’t go into. I haven’t brought any trouble to the family, I’m unfortunately a people pleaser and have tried my hardest with these relatives from day dot.
Im not sure how to approach this and find out what the issue is before my son grows up and feels unwanted by them. Do I encourage DH to speak to them or just accept they’re not interested and forget about it?