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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Already LTB but want closure

8 replies

exdrivesmemad · 21/05/2023 09:07

Been together 20 months. Was BF’s birthday. Said he would let me know if he was doing anything after he had seen his kids, but he was tired and didn’t feel like partying. I don’t drive so I need him to pick me up - he lives 15 minutes away.
Didn’t get any messages, felt like an idiot. So I wrote “hey, what’s happening?” He read it at 21:30 but no answer. We spoke the next morning and he said he had fallen asleep.
Arranged to meet later but his car broke down. He was going out for a school reunion that evening.
so we agreed to meet the next evening. He said we would have a cosy evening together. He picked me up, nothing seemed wrong. Went back to his, everything was lovely.
Then a female neighbour 20 years younger than him came over. Started talking about the evening on his birthday. He said he hadn’t planned anything and people just turned up (everyone goes in and out of each other’s houses in his village) so he couldn’t get out to get me. I was willing to accept that but not that he didn’t message me as I might have been able to find another way there.

I had to stay the night as I had no transport. He turns me on a lot and I stupidly had sex and it was loving as always.

l was crying in the morning. We talked a bit. The neighbour had stayed for a bit with some other people for our cosy evening. He was hugging me and kissing me in front of everyone. Then she talked about her dog walk with him that afternoon. Stuff they had done in the evening together the week before. Seemed he had been spending time with the neighbour

a few days later, I get a message from a mutual friend asking me why I wasn’t there. That he had a huge bbq and they all had a great time.

he won’t tell me why he lied and why he didn’t want me there. I’m feeling pretty. All I got was “sorry, I didn’t mean to lie to you” by text message.

Haven’t heard anything else at all.

OP posts:
exdrivesmemad · 21/05/2023 09:07

Just a few weeks ago he told me he loved me and I had started spending time with his kids. So utterly confused

OP posts:
BlastedPimples · 21/05/2023 09:16

Wow. How hurtful. And yes, total headfuckery.

I don't think you're going to get any straight answers from this one.

He picks you up and drops you as he sees fit and doesn't really see the need for an explanation. Nor does he feel any concern at all for your feelings. What a vampire.

The neighbour clearly felt the need to pipe up about the dog walk and time they had spent together in front of you - marking her territory perhaps and reminding him he has something going on with her?

Please please block him and don't seek any rationale from him. He doesn't care. It's just words to him. You let him back into your life then you're simply asking for more of the same appalling treatment. He's a wrong 'un.

Rescue yourself from more pain.

BlastedPimples · 21/05/2023 09:19

Oh and if you can, learn to drive asap.

exdrivesmemad · 21/05/2023 09:22

I can drive just I’m banned at the moment

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 21/05/2023 09:23

There’s nothing to be confused about, he’s not as into you as you are him.

Time to move on.

Kingdedede · 21/05/2023 09:23

Perhaps he felt like if you were there he would spend all his time with you (either he would want to or you would expect it) and is not mature enough to discuss this with you and communicate this, you’ve done the right thing, move on.

Prettylittleroses · 21/05/2023 09:27

I’m not sure you are confused, you just don’t want to accept what you know. He’s after the neighbour. I’m sorry.

Ninjama1 · 21/05/2023 09:28

What closure do you want? He's a plonker. You will never get anything that makes you feel better. That comes from you.

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