Is this the end?

[TossaCointoyerWitcha]

I've been with my partner a year. Everything seemed brilliant - only issue came up five months in when she told me about a married male friend, who she shared a hobby with, who'd been messaging her a lot - even all day on his birthday. I was a bit uncomfortable about this so she showed a close friend of hers the messages to see if there was good reason to be. Her friend said there were red flags everywhere and the guy obviously fancied her and was trying it on. My partner appeared horrified by this revelation and said she'd distance herself from him and hope he'd get the message.

Just after New Year, my partner told me there was an event for her hobby happening soon - however, this male friend had signed up to it, so wanted me to know in case she would rather I didn't go. I told her I trusted her, and if there was no reason to worry, as she had told me, I had no right to stop her from attending just because a guy who had a crush on her was there. In the end something else came up and she couldn't go anyway.

Fast forward to tonight. Just discovered form alternative sources that my partner hadn't told me the whole truth. This guy had signed up, because my partner actually told him about the event and asked if he fancied going. The guy she knew had a big crush on her and who she said she'd distance herself from.

I feel crushed. This feels such a betrayal. I can't see how I can trust anything she says anymore. Is there anyway I can read this other than she obviously has a thing for this guy too?

I'd just introduced her to family, kids, etc. Things seemed to be going so well. But just feel between a rock and hard place here. Can anyone offer some advice/talk me out of ending it?

This is a difficult situation,your partner seems to have been honest with you to start with ,about the relationship.I don't see the issue unless( and I apologise if this is rude of me)she is bisexual?Don't end it tell her that you feel a little uncomfortable with the situation,if on the whole you are generally happy then this surely can be resolved.Good Luck

@LYDIAtyto thanks for replying. She’s not bisexual. The issue is this was a married guy from her hobby group who was regularly having WhatsApp conversations with which - in her independent female friends point of view - were flirty, overly familiar and verging into emotional affair territory (I didn’t read them all myself). My partner pleaded naivety and said she hadn’t realised, but now realising what was going on would back off and discourage him. Then she did the exact opposite by asking him to go to an event with her (he wouldn’t had known about it if she hadn’t told him) and then lied to me that he was going of his own accord.

I still don't think you should be worried,I mean let's face it!we all know what men are like!!They can't help themselves and i take it that he knows she's with you ?so unfortunately this for a man is a challenge!he probably thinks like all men that he's God's gift and has probably had banter with his mates that he can turn her sexuality!I've seen how men behave!I know that probably doesn't sound very helpful or reassuring for you but you have to think like a man would!your partner probably laughs about it and thinks he's a twat but enjoys his company with the hobby,and didn't want to upset you by telling you.The other answer is do the hobby with her,Hope this helps to ease your mind

She’s not a lesbian - I’m a bloke too.

That’s why her friend had a look at their convos. She suggested I did, but I didn’t want to risk having a jealous male partner bias. Better to have someone impartial judge.

I'd suggest she likes the attention?

Why did she lie about the married guy and the class? Is she just mates with him and wanted to spare your feelings, or does she like the attention from him and wants more? If the former, you can save the relationship, if the latter, bail out now.

I am so sorry I was wrong to presume thought you was female( as I'm new to this )and thought mumsnet was just for women!Big apologies.That puts your situation in a totally different perspective then.

PPs are missing the point - she told a big fat lie. She flirted with him, then said she'd distance herself from him, then she actually encouraged him to go to this event, then she claimed he'd just signed up for it.
She's not trustworthy and she's playing games with you OP. Have you asked her why she invited him and then lied?

But she didn’t go and she told you. If everything else is fine please don’t look for problems

It’s a big lie and she is, at best, playing with fire, telling herself it’s innocent when she really knows it isn’t.

The question is that she is flirting with others (at best) within a year of being in a new relationship with you. This should be the infatuation phase.

Honestly, a year in, cut your losses and call it a day.