Hand hold please just thrown DP out

[ClarissaExplainsNothing]

DP has an alcohol problem. Binge drinking so not all the time. This is the first 'bad' drinking session since possibly November. He can be verbally aggressive when drunk.

We'd had a lovely family afternoon bbq followed by drinks in local pub beer garden with friends. DC are pre teen so they joined us and met up with friends.

All was good until we got home and DP kicked off as his phone wasn't working properly (user error as pissed) and then Netflix wouldn't load

Both these issues were because I was fucking useless, doing it on purpose to wind him up ect etc. He was going to fucking do me (he's never laid a finger on me it's just a drunken threat) and usually I can hold me own and he backs down. But I finally flipped, probably as I'd had a couple of glasses of wine and I threw him out. I called one of his friends said to come and get him. I chucked his phone, wallet and change of clothes in bag and locked door behind him

I know he'll need to come back to get the rest of his stuff, including his car. But DC heard everything and don't want him back in the house and neither do. Help me stay strong for all of us. Please.
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Well done. You did it. There are no doubt many more obstacles to overcome but you took the first step and should be so proud. What's next?

So you had both been drinking?

Do not ever let him back into yours or your children’s lives because if you do you will be sorry you did. You do not need a drunkard for a partner around you or for that matter your children because he is a poor role model to them. Your own recovery from his alcoholism can now properly start and his alcoholism will take time to recover from.

Did you see similar when you were growing up?. How is it you chose this particular man to be in a relationship with?.

The only accountability level of abuse in a relationship is none.
His primary relationship is with drink, not you, and it’s never been with you either. Remember all this when you waiver or when he looks at you with puppy dog eyes.

Your point being ?

@qqq82 I didn't say I had a point I asked a question

But why would you ask when OP clearly states in her post that she had a couple of glasses of wine?

Are you suggesting it's OK for a man to threaten to hit his wife, in front of his children, if she's been drinking?

Not long before i actually threw dh out we had had a similarly lovely day.. Watching a match in the pub with older dc . Other dc with a friend. Got home and dh claimed I rolled my eyes at him. Stormed off out the back door. Tried to follow to diffuse things and he shut the door on my arm. Financial abuse followed and I did throw him out... The relief and calm that followed was immense.. Yoi have bloody got this op. Keep him out.

Er no @EvenMoreFuriousVexation

@MayBeeJuneSoon yes we"d both been drinking, but I wasn't the one being verbally aggressive

Good for you.

Your poor children.

What an environment.

They don't want him back.

How could you even consider allowing him back?

Think of those poor children listening to the two of you going at it.🙄

When you are tempted to have him back, remember your children don’t want that and you are doing this for them. If you let him back you are teaching them that this is ok. I hope you are ok OP.

Sorry to hear what you went through @Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon .

There isn't any other kind of abuse in our relationship at all. When he's not drinking all is good, which makes this so much harder. But @AttilaTheMeerkat yes, I think drink is becoming his main priority.

His behaviour sounds frightening. Are the DC his, and does he live permanently with you?

So sorry 😢
I could have written this...I wasn't as strong as you, I had months of this before the worst explosion nearly 2 weeks ago-the mental explosive rants, screaming, insane accusations, telling me he will fuck me over and telling listening children if he is found dead I will have killed him, so much filth and hate and rage. I wish I had called the police. Instead, I have quietly planned our escape and applied for a tenancy to start next week.

Is he the father of your children? Do you have a mortgage or pay rent? I do think he should get out but I'm just thinking about the practicalities.

Well done, OP. It will be strange for now, but relief will follow. My DH stormed out last week, then came back...
There’s an episode every weekend. It’s exhausting. I’m always to blame for “starting it”. It’s alcohol related here too.

The damage this does to children is incalculable and life long.

It literally changes them at their core.

It teaches them that the world is deeply unsafe and that those that should protect you and cherish you are ugly, angry and your protection doesn't figure at all.

As children grow up, this confusion leads to anxiety, depression, acting out, self harm and often self sabotaging behaviour as they try to dull the CPTSD that is its legacy.

I think if a lot of women realised the above it would help steel them to take action and protect their children sooner.

That kind of behaviour only ever escalates. And it gets worse as they get older.

Well done for finding the strength to draw the line and say NO. It's a terrible environment for children, no matter what their age.

He will no doubt come back full of remorse and promising it will never happen again. But it will. It always does.

Pack up his stuff and prepare to move on with your life.