If you left your marriage, where did you go?

[trapped639]

I'm stuck in an awful marriage. No love, no fun, no sex, nothing good. But a whole lot of arguments, resentment and insults (from him to me).

He doesn't want anything to change because he doesn't want anything more in life than financial stability, playing Xbox and doing his hobby every weekend. I am actually glad he's out of the house because it means he won't be shouting at me.

He doesn't want me to leave because we are comfortable financially - we have a mortgage together and we both had great deposits. If we split he will lose my half of that and he will lose his current standard of living.

I am however, very unhappy. I want love and laughter in my life, I want someone who actually likes me! I want to have a child, but my time is running out (I'm 31).

I know I will probably have to get a court order to get him to sell which will cost £££. But my problem is, where do I go in the meantime.

I have a cat who is my reason for living, so I don't really want to lose him and rent somewhere (lost don't allow pets).

Does anyone have experience with forcing the other owner to sell? I don't know where to start.

I went to my mum's. Cats protection have a programme to care for cats when their owners are escaping abusive relationships. There might be other charities who can look after your cat whilst you get settled

Sending love. You are stronger than you think and will get through this. Keep focused on your future without this fuckwit in it. If it costs you to rent somewhere temporarily it will be worth it in the long term
31 is no age, you will be fine xx

A women's refuge.

I went to my sister's until I could rent a place - I remember it as 3 weeks, she might think it was longer...

I used to fantasize about living on the roof of the local shops. The feral cats kept warm around the shop extractor fans (this was a hot country). I imagined I'd wash my face in the local McDonald's and no one at work would know. The reality was much easier. Make it happen OP, you'll never look back.

Don't waste your life with this man. It's miserable to be with someone who doesn't care if you're happy.

I was divorced at 31, and it's much better to walk away than stay. You have time for children and a happy future. Don't waste it with him..

I went to my mum's until I saved the deposit to rent a flat. Couldn't stand being in the house with the fucker any longer. It was making me ill. Best thing I ever did, I only wish I'd done it years earlier.

I'm in a similar position to you OP, though am a few years older. I'm also wondering where to go.

So am interested in the responses to this...

OP go .. you are only 31… you don’t want a lifetime with this man!

I would start by talking to your husband, explaining that you are going to file for divorce and what your proposed split of assets is.

Give him a few days to bluster and let it sink in, then explain your reasoning behind your proposed split.

Then apply for a divorce and engage a solicitor if he won't sort it amicably.

As long as you're safe, I would stay in the house. Even if a court orders the sale, if you're not living there he can make the house messy and smelly and drag the sale out forever. Push though staying in the house and get it sold - unless it isn't safe, in which case you have to leave, obviously.

I took my cat to an air BnB until the house was sold. I rented it for 6 months and the owner was fine about it. I had to walk him on a lead and he climbed up the chimney to escape but ya know other that he was fine.

Is it not quite hard to stay in the same house after you say you're getting divorced?

Jeeez I thought you were talking about the owner!!!!!!!!!! 😅