"Privileged" SIL discriminatory comments

[Onionbhajie]

My SIL has always had quite a privileged life. She's never had to struggle. If she didn't like a job, she would leave it and her parents would pay her mortgage for her. This happened regularly. Also, her moving in with different people, her upping and leaving and her parents having to transport her stuff around the country for her dependent on where she fancied going next. Her parents have supported her throughout her adult life practically and financially. They are now pretty much raising her child for her as she heads off most weekends drinking and partying and leaves her with them.

DH has always been more independent. Never asked for money, but will gratefully receive it if offered. They bought him a car a few years ago which was appreciated. Not that this has anything to do with the story, just trying to paint a picture.

Anyway, SIL has become quite the political expert lately and recently commented that single mothers are "loaded" and just need to learn to budget better. I sense this has largely come from her mysoginist husband who resents paying for the children he has with his ex and she likely feels resentful I'm guessing.

Little does she realise, I'm about to become a single mother myself as I am separating from her brother. I have done calculations and even with the maintenance I certainly will not be "loaded."

I have found her comments triggering and can not speak to her or be around her at all. I am so angry that she can be so naive about people with little income when she's never had to scrip and scrape in her whole life. My own mum was a single mum and I think what she has said is disgusting. This isn't the first time she has put women down since being with this current partner who seems to have an issue with women who want any sort of fairness. She seems willing to cast aside any values she had held as a woman previously and has morphed into her sexist partner. I am shocked at this.

I feel really triggered.
I mentioned it in my own counselling session this week and she noted how angry I am with her for this comment. I did challenge her at the time but she assured me that she knows much more about single mother's finances than I do as her partner pays maintenance 🤦‍♀️

She's just ignorant and spoilt. Ignore her. Sounds like you won't have to see her now anyway.

You are separating from her brother, so fortunately, you can separate from her as well and with any luck, you will never need to have anything to do with her again.

You won't need to listen to her anymore, you are separating from her brother.

The upside to divorce is getting to ditch the annoying in-laws. But if she's pissing you off, you do have a tongue in your head and can say so to her!

Yes I am definitely looking forward to divorcing his family! It's very early days in our separation, still living together and having to endure family gatherings as nobody knows. We had been close before so she will have noticed me distancing. I just don't like her as a person anymore at all. Even as a mother, I'm disappointed in her choices and sick of hearing her justify herself all the time "still got to have a life after kid's haven't you!" Like the spoilt madam she is.

She sounds quite unpleasant, but more to the point, why are you having to endure his family get- togethers? Who says you should?
Even if the split is still a secret-why?- you could surely just not go and make some bland excuse. Presumably you'll no longer care if they get annoyed by you not showing up!

She is spot on. Do the math.

@DelphiniumBlue I agree with you. We found out my late MIL had been diagnosed with terminal cancer the same week myself and ex husband decided to separate. This was in the summer, she was expected to die before that Christmas, so I agreed with ex husband not tell his family about our separation until after she died....which didn't happen until 18 months later. After the first terrible Christmas I refused to attend any further family get togethers, and didn't accompany my ex husband on every visit he made to see her...if any comments were made about my absence by his family, he had the sense to keep them to himself. The last time I saw any of his family was at MIL's funeral.

Well you seem to be pretty judgemental about your Sil regarding things that aren't really any of your business so....

You used to be close but now you are divorcing her brother you've decided you don't like her any more....

You are worrying about finances as a single parent and now the financial support she has received makes her 'spoilt'.

She sounds supported... possibly in a way that you sound jealous of...

I should think that your feelings about her have a lot more to do with your current mindset than you've taken into account ...

She is still the same person you used to like, it's just your circumstances that have changed.

What was once a comment that you might have brushed off, now is hitting a nerve. But to be honest that's not really her fault, especially as she has no idea that you are separating.

She sounds like a knob. Ignore her. There is no point in arguing with her as she is unlikely to change her views. You find it triggering as you feel personally attacked as you soon will be a single mum. Her views aren't important. Ignore. You wont have to engage/speak to her after the divorce!

As stated upthread, I have done yjr calculations, seen a solicitor and I am infinitely poorer as a single parent 🤦‍♀️🤔

I've always found her to be incredibly spolit and naive of the trials of life. But she was always open to other ways of viewing things before. I blamed his parents for her ignorance. But I do definitely now feel personally triggered due to my situation.

That poster is a troll trying to get a rise out of you, ignore.