Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I wrong to be upset?

12 replies

Jen212 · 20/05/2023 14:37

I feel devastated and I’m not sure if I have the right to be. Me and my boyfriend have been back together for a few months after a year of being apart. Previously we were together for 5 years and split due to him not knowing if he wanted kids or us - I was on the pill but came off when we split.

We got back together because he realised he wanted me and kids. Since then we’ve been having sex unprotected- we didn’t talk about trying for a baby but since he knew I wasn’t on anything I assumed (wrongly) that he knew the risk I could pregnant.

We had a conversation today and it turns out he doesn’t think we’re ready to have a baby yet and if I was pregnant at the moment he’d want me to get a termination. I’m absolutely devastated and extremely confused. He said he does want kids but wants to make sure we’re 100% in the right place.

I got angry with him as he said we never had a conversation about it but I said we were having unprotected sex, what did you think could happen? Why would he take the risk knowing he’d want me to get rid of the baby if I got pregnant?

OP posts:
Lillygolightly · 20/05/2023 14:42

So it sounds like he doesn’t really want kids, you split and after 5 years he didn’t find a better alternative. He got back together with you under the guise that he said he realised he did want you AND kids. He has knowingly had unprotected sex with you knowing full well that could result in a pregnancy it seems only one of you would want.

Sounds to me like he lied just to get you back and that in reality he doesn’t want kids or the responsibility in reality. Sorry OP 💐

billy1966 · 20/05/2023 14:47

He doesn't want kids and is messing you about.

Dump him.

You are wasting your time.

He is dishonest and dim.

Dacadactyl · 20/05/2023 14:49

He's an absolute time waster.

Get rid of him for good this time and don't let him weasel his way back again.

Shapemyeyebrows · 20/05/2023 15:04

@Jen212 Who instigated getting back together? Did you remain in contact through the year you were apart? I guess it depends on what was discussed prior to getting back together and if you had any sort of relationship during the year apart? If you split up completely with no contact I kind of understand where he might be coming from. After a year apart you are essentially starting a new relationship so I can understand him not wanting to jump straight into having a baby.

Original poster
Jen212 · 20/05/2023 15:19

@Shapemyeyebrows we still had contact but it wasn’t the best of contact. He instigated getting back together- begging. There’s a lot of background to the situation and reasons why I was so apprehensive about getting back together. For me this was the last chance - I can see what he’s saying, I think for me it’s the risk of getting me pregnant which he knew and then not wanting the baby.

OP posts:
Ladybug14 · 20/05/2023 15:32

""For me this was the last chance ""

Then it's goodbye.

Connect3 · 20/05/2023 15:35

Oh you poor thing. He doesn't want you or a family with you. He's using you because he hasn't got a better offer currently and what's more he's prepared to risk your health and wellbeing. Get yourself out of there

Shapemyeyebrows · 20/05/2023 15:35

@Jen212 yeah that’s pretty stupid of him to be having unprotected sex if he felt that way. I can understand why you are upset, he should have communicated this to you before now. I do understand him wanting you both to be in a good place first though after having a year apart. Can you not give it a few more months and then see if he’s ready? And if he’s still not, then you know he’s probably never going to be. It may be a case that he wanted you back but not necessarily the baby but knows that’s the deal breaker.

Dillydollydingdong · 20/05/2023 15:38

Surely you deserve better than this useless loser? Having a baby on your own isn't the end of the world. LTB.

WeeOrcadian · 20/05/2023 15:48

You'd be better off NOT having a baby with this one - throw him back, you deserve better

MayThe4th · 20/05/2023 15:57

You’ve both been stupid here.

He knew that having unprotected sex meant that you could get pregnant, but on the flip side, you were stupid to just assume that you were ttc because he decided that he does want children with you.

It would be a ridiculous idea to immediately start trying for a baby having only just got back together. But you’ve both been unwise here.

It is possible that he wants children, you need to have a serious discussion about that, and don’t listen to posters who are telling you that he just wants you back because he can’t find someone else. That may not be the case. But the beginning of a relationship isn’t the time to start trying for a baby, when you don’t yet know whether the relationship will work.

Alcemeg · 20/05/2023 16:06

The human gene pool doesn't need that level of stupid. Find someone better OP, it won't be hard!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page