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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex still being a dick

12 replies

Lill1e · 20/05/2023 14:08

Posted this on another thread by accident instead of here.
This is just a bit of a rant really 🙂 but I've written here before about sharing custody of my kids with my ex husband. At the time the thought of it was horrible as I've been the kids main carer since the day they were born. However I'm settling into life like this OK now as I feel it has benefited the kids more, than if they just saw their dad every now and again.The only problem I have is my ex. He was always an ignorant dick who thought he was better than everyone else but could be kind at times also so I expected some kind of reasonable co parenting with him. I expected ignorance at the beginning of the split but it's been well over a year now since we broke up and it's not changed.If he wants me to do something regarding the kids he will text or if he wants me to take them when it's his week he'll text and chat about it etc. But when he sees me in person he completely blanks me like I don't exist!!! For example he asked me to keep the girls last weekend for him as he was going out for a couple of nights, which I did as I love to have them more often than I do but during the same weekend, our oldest girl had a match that we all went to, him included as it was during the day. I was so angry after the game. There I was with the kids, on his weekend and he didn't even acknowledge my existence at the game!!! I was doing him a favour and even in front of the kids he couldn't be civil and just say hello even. What a dick. I'm so mad. This has happened so many times. It's not the first time I've taken the kids so he can go out. I dont know why I keep doing it but I do it for my daughters. Every time I drop the kids its the same. Like I'm invisible. I don't want to be friends with him but a little bit of respect wouldn't go astray!! Don't think we'll ever be able to do anything for the children as a family. Don't think him or his family could be in the same room as me to be honest! And this is purely based on the fact that I wanted the split.

OP posts:

Lovebeingamummy2 · 20/05/2023 14:46

Hey op, sorry to hear about your situation, it's tough having to share your children with the other parent. The only thing that came to mind when reading your post was that he has a girlfriend who doesn't like him talking you. Not sure if it is that but it's very strange he just blanks you isn't it.

Original poster

Lill1e · 20/05/2023 15:47

You could be right @Lovebeingamummy2 he does have a girlfriend but she's never there when this happens.

OP posts:

CadburyDream · 20/05/2023 15:53

I wouldn't mind tbh id rather not talk to my ex

Original poster

Lill1e · 20/05/2023 22:16

@CadburyDream you're right I love having no contact with him but it's just the rudeness I can't stand. I just couldn't do that to someone especially in front of the children.

OP posts:

Zanatdy · 20/05/2023 23:38

That’s petty and not a great example for the kids

Cherrysoup · 21/05/2023 13:12

How would he react if you messaged him saying what you said in your OP?

happyheart7 · 21/05/2023 14:08

I really hope it gets better for you. I had this for 3 years when my ex got a girlfriend who absolutely despised me and resented time spent with his child. We were civil for years prior to that, no feelings on either side, not friendship, just respect and ability to have a good coparenting arrangement. He wouldn’t make eye contact for years, no friendly hellos, and she wanted him to move about two hours away which he did. They broke up after she threw a vase at him and told him she was going to get him beaten up. She clearly had some issues but having kids herself I would have thought she would encourage his relationship with his daughter and make it easier on her. So this might be what you’re dealing with. After she kicked him out of the place he had paid for, he apologised and we are back to being civil with a good schedule.

OliveToboogie · 21/05/2023 18:40

Text him and tell him until he shows you respect you will be doing him no more favours. Tell him to learn some manners and grow up.

Singlemum101 · 21/05/2023 18:46

Wait until next time he asks for you to have the kids and reply asking him whether he would be willing to start being polite to you in from of the children.

Original poster

Lill1e · 22/05/2023 06:26

Cherrysoup · 21/05/2023 13:12

How would he react if you messaged him saying what you said in your OP?

He would probably just enjoy the fact that it's getting to me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lill1e · 22/05/2023 06:27

Singlemum101 · 21/05/2023 18:46

Wait until next time he asks for you to have the kids and reply asking him whether he would be willing to start being polite to you in from of the children.

Yes I think this is probably the best thing to do. He won't be expecting that

OP posts:

ShandaLear · 22/05/2023 06:34

I don’t think you need to wait until the next time. Just message him and say you’re pleased with the way childcare arrangements are working out, and would be even better if we could be polite and cordial to each other at drop of/pick up so the kids can see us modelling healthy co-parenting behaviours.

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