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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling insecure

2 replies

laakhx · 19/05/2023 22:21

I've been a stay at home mum for coming up 2 years. I'm in my early 20s and before I got married and had my daughter I was so confident in myself and in my body. I developed loads of stretch marks and some weight, everyone tells me im still slim but I just still don't feel the same& I know your body changes after children but I still can't seem to accept my new body.. I hate it so much I just want to rip my skin off I can't even look at my stomach because the marks make me feel horrible. My husband is out from early afternoon and comes home at 1/2am because of work. I never ever get to spend time with him and feel like I'm picking at arguments over stupid things and constantly telling myself he's cheating on me.. I don't really believe he is but it's like I want it to happen so I can be right! I hate feeling like this. Maybe it's because he never spends time with me and because I'm so insecure in my own skin. I've started to do makeup because it's what I love to do but im not really getting any interest and it's making me feel worse about myself. I would love to maybe even work in health care, my daughter starts nursery in September.

What can I do to stop feeling like this, I just want him to show me some attention sometimes and feel really loved up again like I felt before I married him. Maybe it's because he knows I'm always at home and I've basically got no life other than been a mum. I'm having a big breakdown and I've always suffered with mental health issues but i feel like I'm getting worse because I'm not getting any attention from him. I rely on him for everything and I don't want to anymore

OP posts:
Honeysuckle16 · 19/05/2023 22:49

It’s awful for you to feel like this and I completely get that this is the truth for you.

About wanting your husband to pay attention to you to give you confidence, try to think of it in a different way. Your confidence comes from inside YOU, what you think of yourself, what you think you’re worth, not from another person, even your husband.

You’re in your 20s, have a lovely daughter, what could be a better start to your adult life? You have so much going for you and things can get even better.

A woman’s body does change after having a child so that basic fact won’t go away. You could exercise though, or do yoga/Pilates if that will help you to feel more as you would like. Stretch marks fade and become unimportant if you’re fit and feeling good.

Your DH is away from home for long hours but he’s home and awake late morning so you could prepare a nice lunch or go out to eat. Same on his days off.

To get closer to him, maybe think of making the first move, especially once you’re more confident about being toned and fitter. Tell him you’d like to be closer and I’m sure he’ll respond.

And find out what the opportunities are in health care for you. I’m sure you’ve got skills and personal qualities you can use.

Think of your life is just beginning, and you can make it pretty much as you’d like it to be. Go for it!

laakhx · 19/05/2023 23:06

@Honeysuckle16
Thank you so much for the advice, that has honestly made me feel better. you're so right.. I'm going to work on myself and think about all the things I can look forward to in life Smile

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