Sorry im new i dont really know abbreviations so bare with me. This might be a bit long. I just need to rant and ask if anyone has been through similar, what can i do?
me and my partner have been best friends since we were teenagers (engaged since 2021, have one child a boy we never really dated he just asked me to marry him one day and i said yes lol) and his family never took a liking to me which is fair enough i wasnt very nice as a teenager but ive changed as does everybody.
anyway my soon to be FIL is abusive and just not a nice person. He has a previous health problem that gave him epilepsy, memory loss and basically the mind of a child that got worse with age. he is short tempered and all round just awful. My partner says hes never liked him and has always been like this. He has three other children who he treats like angels and has amazing respect for but my partner gets treated like dirt. His excuse is always oh i dont rememebr or oh im not well. Something like that when he starts hurling abuse at my husband and gets called out on it.
he seems to always get the whole family on his side when this happens and make us look like we're horrid people when we're just trying to be respected with the same excuses of he doesnt remember or he doesnt know any better which is bs.
recently its all kicked off with the family again. FIL called my partner about some clothes he had for son and we missed it but partner called back within a minute to no answer. He kept trying to call back only for FIL to leave him an abusive voicemail, to which he text his older sister saying he was dealing with our son and that his dad was being really out of order again the way he was shouting at him because he missed one (not ten like he was making out) call.
then all of a sudden whole family blocked partner. we dont say anything.
next day FIL calls and says "can you come get the clothes from my house on your own I dont want HER (meaning me) here"
partner says wtf she did nothing wrong and he hangs up. Fil has already blocked partner on phone so he cant call back anyway.
about a week or maybe 2 passes by and FIL is crying to a mutual friend of both our families that im a horrible person, im abusive to my partner and he doesnt know what hes done wrong/why we arent talking to him.
mutal friend asks whats up and we tell him. He takes FIL side and says FIL said we only ever see him when we want money which isnt true my son is 1 i havent had money off him since he was 3 months old.
i was trying to get FIL to have a relationship with my son as i never really had a relationship with both sets my grandparents growing up, my MIL as well as my own mother are both dead.
anyway after that conversation we went no contact and ive been told im using my son as a weapon against FIL, which isnt true im trying to protect him from all the abuse that everyone is convinced isnt happening. I tried explaining this and everyone said i was mental. I dont want my son growing up in this hostile enviroment.
FILs sister contacted us (we have been no contact since son was 4 months due to her calling SS on us because i wasnt doing what she said thats another story) saying fil had a card and money for son for his 1st birthday a week ago and partner told him to piss off with general concencus being they thought if they mention money we'll come running back like FIL said before.
its been quiet since except partners cousins and siblings sending abusive messages from unknown numbers and shouting at him in the street when they see him thinking that we attacked FIL when we didnt. Its so bad i want a restraining order on him. But ive not got evidence or legal funds.
my partner is heavily affected as his entire family except his mother's sister who wasnt involved nor cares has turned against him.
hes actually got PTSD among other things and i cant help but feel ive failed my son as his childhood seems to be turning out alot like mine with one side of the family ignoring him for no other reason than arrogance.
its making me feel like no matter what we do is no good too. Both of us are getting therapy now for it but i feel so useless.
ps forgot to mention FIL's sister kidnapped partner when he was a baby in a very similar situation (fils family treated MIL the exact same as they are with me) she lives quite close to us, im worried her or one of her kids might try that with my baby too. Im terrified to go out that way alone or my partner alone with him. i feel harrassed and just unsafe really.
theres only really one family member we see now and thats my dad, sometimes we see cousins but its once every few months as they're busy.
thanks for reading rant over.