Father of my child doesn’t want to see his baby anymore

[honeyy]

Hi guys

ive had a baby 5 months old with my bf. We’ve been together a few years, recently I’ve felt differently about things and our outlooks and how he is etc and I decided I wanted to separate have some space and I did tel him that I wanted to split up.

He moved out, and a few days later he text to say he wanted to be with me and to not throw things away as we have a child together etc I told him I would think about things..

So we didn’t see each other for a week. He didn’t see our baby etc as we were having space. Well more me than him. He arranged a day the following week to see our baby and started making plans with me too. Saying we’d spend the day together. I told him he can spend and see our baby as much as he likes but I wouldn’t be there as im sure about things so it’s not a good idea.

I sat and thought but in my heart and head, I know I don’t want to be with him. So I spoke to him and told him that I wanted to split up.

He immediately cancelled plans to see his baby and said he doesn’t want to see me so he can’t come to visit at the moment.

I said you need to see spend time with our child but he said to leave him alone and that he won’t be replying.

not sure if should contact him again to see his baby or leave it?

Leave it. No point hassling him if he doesn't want to :(

It's not very often that I sympathise with men (!) but it does sound like he's really upset about the break up and is just lashing out by saying he doesn't want to see the baby either.

I would just give him some space, if he's generally a decent enough bloke, he'll probably come round once he's got used to the idea that you no longer want to be with him.

If you want to split up, that's entirely your right of course, but you must be able to see that he's probably confused and upset as you've been together a while and have just had a baby.

Agree with this. In this case as it's all so fresh I would cut him a little bit of slack and I wouldn't assume he's automatically going to be a deadbeat dad who'll never bother to see the baby just because of his reaction in the immediate aftermath of the break up.

Sometimes people really need that time where they don't see the ex and come to terms with the break up, and then things can be civil and will work after that adjustment period.

There's a lot of women who have posted on here about break ups and they find that having to see the ex when they see the kids or pick them up makes it a lot worse at the start, so sometimes it's definitely better to have some time where you don't have to see each other.

give the guy space you may not care but its obvious he does and is hurt. say you understand he may not want to see you and understand he needs space but if he does want to see your child you can arrange for a third party family member etc to do hand over etc

It might be that HE needs some space now. I mean you did just split up with him.

But it's important moving forwards that he knows seeing your baby is something he is doing for the baby and him, not to try to get you back, because that's not happening.

But that's something you show over time by setting boundaries. Eg: not joining him in his baby time.

For now, let him have space.

If it turns out he genuinely wants to cut contact eith his child then that's fine, don't chase him. Because anyone you have to chase to be in your life, doesn't love you or deserve your time. Same goes for parents. Just make sure to pursue child support. He can drop the child from his life if he wants but he doesn't get to stop paying for a kid he helped make.