School Gate Shenanigans

[Wiltshirewife]

Hello there,

We live in a tight knit village. My youngest is in yr 5, welocated here when she was in year 4.

I'm quiet but always smile, say hello to those that do to me. When we arrived a group from DDs class invited me on a couple of lunches out. I did go, had a nice time but realised it was a gossipy so kept my distance after a while. General chit chat here and there and I'm still friendly.

These ladies have suddenly started to blank me.

I've stopped saying hello after being blank a few times and it's all feels so awkward. They're quite "aggressive", I can feel them staring, see them whispering etc.

I don't want to acknowledge their behaviour as I feel it will add fuel to the fire. How do I get over the awkwardness?!

I do the headphones thing, stand away etc by I keep seeing the group around the village and the tension feels overwhelming.

It's all a bit of a pickle to be honest, I just like to be pleasant, drop my daughter off and that's that. I don't like this negativity looming over the school run.

It all seems so odd.

Any advice?

Breathe a massive sigh of relief that these juvenile, toxic shit stains are not in your life, collect your child and go home.

If you're feeling really brave one day... flip the bird 🖕

They sound like mean girls. It's tragic really. Just ignore them like the childish, toxic arseholes they are. They are not worth your time or headspace. Asking them what's up will just add fuel to the fire and give them the drama and gossip they so desperately need in their sad lives. I'd carry on smiling though just to make it appear like their attempts to blank you have gone completely unnoticed.

Hey OP. Sorry you're experiencing this. I find the school run can be a bit of a minefield sometimes. A few parents are "normal", pleasant and consistent but I find so many of them blow extremely hot and cold. There's one who currently blanks me (we used to be chatty and friendly) and I have no clue why! It's so weird. I've never known anything like it.

As PPs say, just be friendly and consistent and keep it moving!

It’s also important to remember people have shit going on and may be distracted or distant because they have other stuff going on. It’s almost certainly not you, but them, and they may be mortified to know they were being aloof/rude blowing hot and cold.
Most people want to rub along well with others as a base point, and create a comfortable environment and atmosphere for their dc.

London school to a village school is a big culture difference. You can be fairly anonymous in a big town / city at the school gate plus there's usually a lot more transience. New students come and go all the time.

It sounds like they were trying to include you, invited you to lunch and then you have essentially shunned them and they don't know why. They're probably wondering 'Why the cold shoulder?'

When you say 'gossipy' what do you mean? What were they actually saying? Gossip is fine, bitching is not. When I joined my village community, I have made it clear what I find acceptable and not. If it's getting remotely bitchy I just say it's not fair on this or that, we don't know the full picture .............. Did you do any of that? I didn't make a huge deal about it but made it clear I would not take sides, especially based on rumours. I hate bitchiness - it's shit.

I think if you want to make friends in this community you will have to put yourself out there. Invite them for a coffee and chat.

I've love these threads where everyone except the OP is horrible and almost every single reply agrees that yes, everyone else - especially in "villages" but not in London - IS awful

@Pipsquiggle It's quite a change.

Maybe, they obviously have a reason for blanking me. What that is I'm unsure.

All was well after those lunches. I remained friendly but politely declined any further lunches/coffee catch ups.

Discussing the appearance of fellow parents, picking apart a teachers messy divorce, who enjoys a drink on an evening etc.

I just changed the topic, it's none of my business and not something I felt comfortable listening too.

@CovertImage Absolutley not the case here. We have met some wonderful people which most definitely outweighs any negative situations.

We love where we have moved too.

I wouldn't worry about it, they whole thing becomes utterly insignificant when they go to secondary school and don't need to be taken and collected. In fact, can your daughter start getting herself to and from school without you next year?

Just go to pick up a bit later so you're not hanging around. So it's in collect and out no stopping - just keep moving. Literally in and out. It's so much easier.