Do I say sth about DH to PIL?

[shithittingthefan]

I have opened up to my PIL recently for the first time about my husbands behaviour (alcohol binges, coming home middle of the night etc). Turns out that they weren’t surprised to hear, are worried about him too and we share similar experiences and feelings about some of his communications (things said or silent treatment). They actually had been wondering if they had said or done something wrong.

Now there has been a new low which husband brushes off. He and I haven’t communicated with each other since. I wonder whether to say sth about the new low to my PIL. I know that ultimately blood runs thicker than water, on the other hand they may as well know things are not improving so I don’t need to pretend or explain. I like my ILs, so do DC, and believe I have my own good relationship with them.

Its baby steps but I am having other support through a friend and counselling at the moment.

thoughts?

What are you trying to achieve by sharing? Are you hoping PIL will have a word with your DH and persuade him to change his behaviour, or to support you in arguments? Or preparing them for when you leave?

It sounds like your dh is unhappy, and turning his parents against him won't help anyone. It will just make him feel more isolated.

Do you think it's job related, money related, he has a drink/drugs problem or is it another woman? Or does he just not like life with small children?

I think it is maybe prepping them for the inevitable down the road (May take a while for various reasons). Or their support if he suddenly sees the light and wants to work on himself and our marriage. Although at the moment I am not sure that will ever be happening.

I don’t want to give impression them turning against their son.

I think it’s drink and potentially other women, sometimes work if there’s a stressful period and also DC. He said before he’s unhappy but he doesn’t take (healthy) steps to remedy it and doesn’t want to have proper conversations about it. There’s only do much I can do… there’s only so much hurt I can take…

I am not sure what you are hoping to achieve by sharing this with your PIL?

I would communicate directly with my DH. Is he going through something at work? Something must have happened to cause a change in his behaviour.

I think talking to your PIL about him and not actually communicating with him directly can make things worse in long term.

What are you hoping to achieve by telling them? As they have been very passive about the situation to date

@standardduck great minds…

I think you need to communicate with him, even if that means writing a letter and saying there is only so much you can take. Directly, with him, not via your PILs.

Your PILs sound like they know the situation and won't hold you responsible for a marriage breakdown, or cut contact with your dcs. That bit is already done.

I am baffled why you’re navel gazing about talking to your passive PILs rather than actually addressing the shit show that is your marriage and looking out formula and your DC

Ok I hear you. And agree. I was just wondering so hence the post. It’s hard to see everything clearly sometimes and am trying to make sense of things.

I have been trying to communicate with him of course, but I can’t force him to talk or change his behaviour.

Please don't involve his dps in your marriage..
Ime it won't end well.

What I can’t fathom is being worried about my son, seriously worried, and y association worried about my dil and Gc

and doing the sum total of squat all