Is this abuse?

[Starligh41]

Ive been with my husband for 20 years.
I have been seeing a therapist for a while now
as
im finding it difficult to manage and understand my relationship.
One minute he’s telling me I’m beautiful the next
im fat.
If I have a drink one minute it’s fine the next I’m an alcoholic !!!
He isn’t always truthful about our finances and doesn’t include me in any decisions.

Criticises the way I do things
He has hit me in the back before and thrown water over me during an argument.

I do argue or answer back and
now I’m starting to wonder if it’s my fault.
I feel miserable and lonely thanks for reading

How helpful is this therapist you are seeing?. What made you decide to see such a person?. Trying to manage a relationship with an abuser is an exercise in futility as well as being a waste of time. He is not interested; he just wants you around to abuse and mistreat as he sees fit. Abuse is about power and control and he wants absolute over you.

Its not you, its your husband. He is abusing you as well as assaulting you physically and has done so now for many years. How can you be helped here into leaving your abuser?. Have you ever considered divorcing this man?

Did you see similar between your parents when you were growing up?.

If you are in the UK I would urge you to contact Womens Aid as they can and will help you leave if this is what you want to do.

My parents had a loving relationship. My father was and is a gentleman

He is abusing you.

It sounds horrible.

Can you leave?

Do you have children?

He hits you in the back and throws water at you! And you're questioning whether it's your fault!

My ex would slap me on the back of my head, the final time was so hard it felt like my brain hit my skull. He used to say it was because I argued back and didn't know when to stop. I ended up thinking I deserved it too. No one deserves to be hit or have water thrown over them. You wouldn't accept a stranger hitting you, you would say its assault. You shouldn't accept it from someone who is supposed to love you.

I know its easy for me to say now but I had 14 years of it. There comes a time when you know you need to leave

Like you my parents have a loving marriage and my Dad is a proper gentleman. So I don't think that's anything to go by.

So your abusive husband has also assaulted you.

He is also financially abusive.

Of course you are lonely living with a horrible man who can switch to abusive in a second.

What are your options?

Ring Women's aid for a chat.

Look at legal advice.

What is your housing, work, children situation?

Absolutely highly abusive and has also violent and has assaulted you.

Call Womens aid for support.