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Original poster

Unmatching or not on OLD

13 replies

Hopeful22 · 17/05/2023 17:28

hey, so im just wondering if im missing something really obvious here...

If you are matched with someone on Bumble and lets say you have met up IRL or had messages back and forth , maybe swapped numbers, and say things didn’t work out or haven’t progressed – why would you NOT unmatch them ?
Is it because while you are still “matched “ it means you cant see if that person is still online or has their profile still up or you wont come across their profile while still matched ?

Im just wondering – because I had a FWB situation with a match on bumble – it ended but he hasn’t unmatched me and I haven’t unmatched him – I haven’t unmatched him because im being pathetic and still hope that we may rekindle things ( pathetic i know ) , but he was the one who effectively “ghosted “ me but why hasn’t he unmatched me ?? I don’t get it ……..

OP posts:
houseofstone · 17/05/2023 17:32

Honestly I think some people are less bothered with the details. I see it in a similar vein to how some divorced friends still have their status on Facebook set as 'married' because they've haven't bothered to change it despite being active on the site.

Bibonelove · 17/05/2023 18:07

Maybe hes keeping a line of comunication open thinking he can click his fingers and get his leg over? Take the lead and block him!?

Watchkeys · 17/05/2023 18:11

Either he's not bothered about this sort of detail or he thinks that if he contacts you for a 'quiet night in', you'll say yes.

Would you say yes? If so, it's worth it for him.

But either way, take responsibility for the situation yourself: it will be a lot less confusing for you if you unmatch yourself.

GreyCarpet · 17/05/2023 18:47

Tbh, when I did online dating, I didn't unmatch with anyone unless I needed to block them for some reason. They just weren't even on my radar anymore. I didn't give them enough headspace to even think about it.

I wouldn't be seeing it as anything more than that. Why would you hope that someone who ghosted you would get back in touch? I'd be insulted if someone did that!

He was a bloke you had a few dates with. Move on.

Original poster
Hopeful22 · 17/05/2023 19:01

i know, like i said - its pathetic , im trying to persuade myself that i absolutely wouldnt go back - this was only ever supposed to be a fling anyway , i know i didnt want to have a proper relationship with him but i was just annoyed about the way that he ghosted me and i know i should just unmatch him but im just struggling with it all at the moment

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 17/05/2023 19:37

What is it that he can give you that you're struggling to let go of?

Analyse you, not him. This is your life.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 17/05/2023 19:44

Because it really isn't a big deal. I rarely blocked or unmatched people, unless they were rude. Why would you. I prob wouldn't even think about it again so just wouldn't cross my mind to unmatch/block etc.
Why would you want to rekindle? Unless you too, only want another FWB situation (it doesnt sound like you do) then dont bother wasting any more head space on it.
It was a bit of fun...next.

CadburyDream · 17/05/2023 20:09

You're over thinking it

guineacup · 17/05/2023 23:30

You may have labelled this as a FWB arrangement, but you're clearly far too into him for that if you're thinking like this.

I'm guessing he suggested a FWB arrangement, and you agreed to avoid losing him.

Original poster
Hopeful22 · 18/05/2023 12:28

no actually it was my idea to have the FWB - he was very keen at the start and wanted to see each other properly but i wasnt ready , im not upset at the situation only that he has decided to end the situation without consulting me !
but im going to take a break from the apps for a while - figure out exactly what i want from a man and work on myself as well more importantly as another poster said , its my life so i need to figure out what i want from it :)

OP posts:
DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 18/05/2023 12:48

I'd say he's either not particularly bothered about the admin, or would like to keep you on the hook in case he fancies it later. Or both.

Either way, you should cut and run. I know it's hard but you want different things and you're leaving the door open for him to hurt you still further. And in the meantime, what if a good guy shows up?

Livelifelaughter · 18/05/2023 19:38

Hopeful22 · 18/05/2023 12:28

no actually it was my idea to have the FWB - he was very keen at the start and wanted to see each other properly but i wasnt ready , im not upset at the situation only that he has decided to end the situation without consulting me !
but im going to take a break from the apps for a while - figure out exactly what i want from a man and work on myself as well more importantly as another poster said , its my life so i need to figure out what i want from it :)

I did this...I decided to come off OLD but messaged 3 guys to let them know that I wasn't ready to date or be in a relationship. I see one really nice guy as a friend now.

Original poster
Hopeful22 · 18/05/2023 20:00

i actually had been speaking to a nice guy and messaged him to say that i wasnt in the right headspace at the moment, that i didnt just want to disappear and not tell him why , he replied with a lovely message and just shows you that some men are decent and mature and it just shows the other men up as complete adolescent idiots , those who ghost ...

OP posts:
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