I'll try not to drip feed but just don't know if I'm feeling like this because of the current situation or if really it's a valid feeling and I should act on it.
Been with DH for 12 years married for 8. We have 2 DC one is 3 the other is 1. Both children have some additional needs and the youngest has numerous ongoing health issues which has seen us in and out of hospital since birth including 2 months stay as an inpatient. So generally life has been particularly stressful for the last year if not more with other things going on with our eldest needing extra support.
We both work but he earns probably triple what I do and covers the majority of our outgoings. I do the majority if the household chores, childcare and general life admin.
On the surface everything to the outside world would look good. Financially we are comfortable and we want for nothing in material terms. We have a great support system for childcare and we've always had a good marriage. He's alway been a good partner to me and honestly tries so very hard at our relationship and constantly tells me how much he loves me and values me. He's generally an involved dad and has been there for the big moments in our kids lives. But under the surface there are bigger issues. He's very quick to anger with the kids and get frustrated easily. He's never physical but shouts and stomps around. The littlest thing becomes a big to do and leaves me feeling so tense. He seems to expect the kids to act like mini adults and if they are being loud or uncooperative (as children are!) he just gets frustrated and annoyed. He'll say they're being pathetic or stupid when they're just being children and reacting to something not goinf their way. As well as this he doesn't ever want to do anything outside the house and if we do he'll complain its too noisy or too much to cope with the kids and we just end up having a bad time. Sometimes when he's one on one with the kids he's great and he'll take the time to play with them and engage but it's never consistent and just depends on his mood. When things are good they're great but when something inconvenient happens it's blown out of proportion.
I used to be quite an easy going person but feel like I'm feeding of these blow ups and feel tense and anxious about things and I wonder if I'd parent better alone.
My other concern is my youngest has ongoing health problems and we are waiting on results but she will likely need some form of lifelong support/care. My DH just seems in such denial about it all and when I try and discuss is he just shuts down and says "wait for the results". I'm increasingly worrying he won't be able to deal with the reality of her health issues and I guess part of me thinking of leaving is a reaction to this as well.
Finally (although I'm sure there's more to say) I feel like since we've had children I've noticed that he's quite a selfish person to be honest. Selfish in the sense of his needs always coming first and over the kids. Whereas I feel since having children they now become my first thought I feel like they're always an afterthought or the last thing for him. Some silly examples are he'll make drinks for us and not think to get DS a drink or he'll order food and not get anything for DS. If we're travelling somewhere he'll be neurotic with a list of things to take but I'll have to remind him to add on things for the kids.
Overall I feel like since having children together I see him in a different way and his reactions/behaviour have made me feel distant and sad to be honest. It hurts me to see him sometimes be so indifferent to our children. I just don't know if actually I'd be happier and a better parent if we were separated or if I'm just having those feelings as a reaction to a tough year and lots of ongoing life stress.