OCD can’t stop worrying if I cheated please help

[greenthumbb]

Hi a few months ago I got very drunk at a small party and put my head on a male friends lap accidentally and on his shoulder before nearly blacking out. I was very drunk and I’ve never drank this much since

it was in a group setting and nobody really brought it up since which makes me feel like I didn’t do anything bad and it was an accidents but I’m so worried I did do something or that is cheating. It was months and months ago but I’ve not drank that excessive since, and it’s been keeping me up I can’t help but think I’ve ruined my life and destroyed my relationship I can’t sleep and it’s ruining me please help

No, I don't think that was cheating.

If your drinking to the point that you are having regrets and not acting as you normally would, maybe you should consider whether you should cut back a bit? I know that sounds judgey but I don't mean it that way. It just seems like a simple solution to this sort of issue in future.

No, you didn't even come close to cheating.

Everything @NeedCoffeeNowPlease said. I just didn't leave without a second reply in case you're still up.

(With that in mind ... why the hell am I?!)

I have ocd and I've had the exact same obsession before.
you have to accept that you COULD have cheated. Sounds counter-intuitive but you really know that you didn't, and every time you try to remember back on the time or work out what happened you are reinforcing the idea and feeding the OCD. You need to accept that you can't ever know 100% exactly what happened but that it's ok and you'll be ok.
ruminition is the compulsion that feeds this type of ocd and the only way to stop it is to stop tying to remember.
really hope you feel better soon OP this type of rumination, false memory etc ocd was the worst experience of my life I know how horrible it is.

Doubtful, but also is the friend low or high risk of a type that would take advantage and have you seen him since? You could always try asking him or just say "sorry for leaning on him when pissed" and see how he replies, that will tell you more.

@greenthumbb unless you 'accidentally' gave him a blow jib while you had your head in his lap, then no you didn't cheat. It might be a little more intimate than your partner would be happy with, but hopefully there won't be a repeat if you've stopped drinking to excess.

You've posted this before haven't you?

As posters said then, you MUST get help for the drinking as this blacking out and amnesia is dangerous.

Your focusing on a non issue while ignoring the glaringly obvious one

You didn't cheat

One of two things happened. Either nothing. Or your friend took advantage of you when you were too drunk to consent. Either way this would not maker you a cheater.

Have you asked friend?

When I need to stop ruminating, I say to myself "STOP! This is not real. It is OCD thinking." and force my brain to be distracted by looking at something in the room or visualising a calming sky. Engaging with thoughts does not work. I might also say to myself "you're safe. You're a good person. It's okay."

It didn’t happen OP
dont let the thoughts take over
I would rewrite them
yoi passed out, your friend propped you up.
you went home
and the memory is re written over and over so everytime you think it, you change it
Re write the thought and memory

I have. It was a one off and I got a bit too ahead of myself, It’s the same incident that I posted about before, I’ve only drank that much one

@SarahSmith2023 i didn’t. I just put my head on his lap briefly but I’m so scared I know o didn’t do anything else but I can’t accept my brain

@NeedCoffeeNowPlease I have; I haven’t drank that much since and it was the first time I’ve ever drank that much. I just don’t know what to do with my brain

Park what happened (or didn't) and leave it there.
There is no point in torturing yourself over something that you don't even know for sure happened. Take a deep breath and relax, you were too drunk and you now aren't sure of the night, so many people have been there.
Glad to hear you have not drank as much since. Look at this in a positive light. You have realised that drinking too much is really dangerous, before anything awful happened to you.

@Literallynoideaatall thank you, it really is awful. that’s a good way of approaching it and thinking like who knows what happened, I just can’t help needing to know I think but I know it’s my brain working against me. It’s a really annoying cycle :(

You called it OCD and it does sound like it.
Did you have a look on being treated for it?
We have a bit of experience regarding OCD (DS) and it not the funny/anecdotal mental health issue people think it is, your brain might use this "small" incident to flare but after this one it might latch onto something else. The question is why does it bother you so much? Why is your brain not believing what happened? Could just be guilt but you called it OCD so perhaps you already know. We found that counselling and (weirdly) YouTube video about OCD, helped loads.

Hi everyone

So… I don’t know whether anyone else has experienced this but I’m driving myself insane.

Bit of background…

I have suffered with anxiety for over 15 years and I take medication for it. I have a wonderful partner who I am very much in love with and am very happy and I have absolutely no want or desire to cheat on him.

I went out for a bottomless brunch on Boxing Day with my best mate, we got very drunk. I don’t remember the end of the night, the taxi ride home or going to bed. My friend told me I rang my partner as she was getting food around 9:20 pm( I’m guessing to see if he was home so I could stay at his but he wasn’t), we then got to the taxi place at about 9:30 pm, we were the only people there, no queue. Taxi would be cheaper if we got separate ones so we did. She said we hugged and both walked to our taxis. She didn’t see me physically get in it but she saw it pull away. Sh she said I definitely got a taxi home on my own.
I vaguely remember not being able to find my key my son had left under the bin and I had calls on my phone to him around 9:45 which would work out about the time I was home. Anyway, I kind of remember moving the bin and they key must have been there.

I woke up with no recollection of the end of the night or getting home, I think my phone had died as my friend had text me to see if I was home but I didn’t respond.

anyway, I’m a naturally very anxious person and I have a conscience so can feel guilty even when I’ve done nothing wrong. I started to worry if cheated on my partner and I’ve not been able to get it out of my head and I’m worried sick over it. She said I’d spoke to my landlord earlier in the night who I went on a date with many years ago. He added me on Instagram the next day (he has a partner and child too). He liked a couple of pictures and it’s made me more paranoid that what if he came home with me. There’s absolutely no trace of anyone being in my house, the door was locked with the key inside. I woke up in bed naked but no trace of anything untoward.
My friend says I’m being daft, I literally rang my partner, there was nobody with us at the taxi place and I definitely got in my taxi alone. But I’ve managed to worry myself so much over it, I’m panicking that because she didn’t actually see me that maybe she doesn’t know. I’ve asked her over and over.
It’s not unusual for me to be worried and over anxious but it’s driving me mad. I’ve not slept. How can I stop this? Has anyone felt like this before.
please do not lecture me on drinking- I’m 36, it’s not my first rodeo. I don’t go out often. Dry January in full swing!
As I say, I love my partner with all my heart, had the most wonderful Christmas and would never dream of cheating but I cannot shake this anxiety as I don’t remember the night.
Help!!!

Old thread. Apologies@Anxietyridden1 you need to open a new thread. Your post needs to be the first one.

Thank you!!