Those of you that are NC with a family member

[CadburyDream]

Do you ever fully relax? I've been NC with a family member for 3 years this summer but I never feel fully relaxed. They have turned up at my house numerous times in the middle of the night, I'm talking midnight banging on my door, they've called my phone off private number. I've made my feelings clear but they haven't accepted it. I have never engaged with them when they come and I don't answer the phone. I have told other family to tell them not to contact me but they ignore it. Its finally been months since they last tried so I'm hoping they've accepted it now but I still feel anxious in my own home and never feel fully relaxed knowing they could show up. Does anyone feel this way and does this feeling ever go? I want to move eventually but right now that's just not possible.

I sometimes get cards on Christmas and birthdays so I get a little tense around then. Otherwise I don't think about it, they didn't give enough of a shit to come and see me when I lived one town over and I kept inviting them, they are definitely not going to turn up now I live three hours away. If they did behave like yours do I would report them for harassment.

Thank you I guess that’s the difference for me they live 10 minutes away from me, I really want to move but not in a position to and won’t be for years so every now and then when they have been drinking they will show up. It’s been a while now so I’m hoping they have finally accepted it.

I would say, yes, for the most part. I'm pretty relaxed finally - most of the time. But we live in different countries and they have no idea where I even live. I have tried to be quite careful about my online presence and making sure it doesn't give away too much personal information, so they can't easily find me.

I do get a bit anxious around Christmas/birthdays as that's when they tend to pop up. I did go through an initial period of reminding them that I wanted no relationship with them and never to contact me again. Now I just don't respond and I can read the message if I want to from the notification screen on my phone, so it leaves it unread on their end.

I did get a notification yesterday that that they liked an old photo I sent them years ago on Facebook messenger, so they are obviously going through old messages and this usually happens when they decide to pop up with some passive aggressive message. So that puts me on edge a bit.

But because we are fortunate to have the physical distance between us and they can no longer send anything physically to my house as don't know my address, I'm confident that I can cope with messages online (I refuse to block them because they would love to tell their friends what a terrible person I am for blocking them). I've gotten very good at grey rocking it and moving on from messages, so it's a lot easier now.

In your case though, I have to say, I'd need to move far away before I could feel truly at ease, I think. It was definitely a relief to move and know they didn't even know my address anymore.

11 years in and, yes, I'm fully relaxed.

For the first tfew years we had emails, my brother had a couple of phone calls, she still tried to contact the children etc but that stopped after about 6 years and now nothing.

Well, it helped that my brother and I have both moved house and she no longer knows where either of us are but it took a good 6 years to be confident the contact attempts had stopped.

My mother only lived 10 mins from me as well. Tbh, I was always more bothered about bumping into her at the supermarket or something but it's never happened.

It sounds like moving is the only real option. I never see them anywhere fortunately but I know they drive past me sometimes but never bumped into them in a supermarket or anything yet. I won’t be in a position to move for years, but it would be so nice to move away and never have to hear from them again!

It’s been almost 7 yrs now (it was my 40th birthday and I wouldn’t go along with her plans for me for the day - I had my own plans). Unfortunately my birthday is always marred with feeling angry about her general attitude towards me and the way she behaved.

Luckily I live nearly 300 miles away so I don’t worry about her popping up (it was always expected that I ran round after her).

She sends Christmas and birthday cards to my children so I do feel tense around the end of the year and then beginning of the next (DC’s birthdays are early in the year) but then I have about 7 - 8 months of feeling relaxed.

Generally I didn’t. Though I did see her in town once and she chased me down the High Street and I was a bit stressed after that! When she died I did think well at least I don’t have to worry about that happening again.