Going back to toxic relationship

[TD7]

It’s so hard to stay away from my toxic relationship I don’t like being single and alone it’s not easy even after so much pain the urge is horrible…anybody else feel like that how do you not let yourself get sucked in again when you don’t have many ppl around you

It’s not about looking ridiculous to the rest of the world, it is about what you are telling yourself that you will allow.

He hasn’t hit me for 5 years he has become a better person it me I cannot forgive the past I wish I could

Trauma bonding OP. For distracting your mind, read up online. There are countless Youtube videos that are fantastic resources. Look up Lisa Romano, Dr Ramani.
The book 'Women who love too much' is pretty eye opening about why we are attracted to toxic abusive men. Also Lundy Bancrofts book is recommended here a lot and there is a free online link somewhere here if you search.

Agree six weeks is nothing. You must block all methods of contact and devote this time to nurturing yourself. Take yourself out in the sunshine, treat yourself, go somewhere you don't usually visit, exercise, take a leisurely bath (while listening to a Youtube video!!) It will take time but with effort on your part you can do it.

@TD7 the trick here is to figure out why you need to keep going back and to address that within yourself. It isn’t easy to do but if you don’t address it there is a risk of you having other similar relationships. There is no shortcut to doing that work for yourself.

Over your life somewhere you learned to override the signals your body sends to keep you safe, how did that happen? Usually it happens in childhood, and how can you change that? Focus your attention on correcting that and it will be life altering for you.

Trauma bonding is an addiction and it needs to be treated like one. You have come up with a maladaptive coping mechanism to deal with some very heavy internal issues but you can address them at source and move forward.

You need to block him… it really is the only way. No contact!

Second that boom recommendation “women who love too much” it was an eye opener for me a decade ago.

OP , please please stay strong . If your son is old enough and wise enough to tell you it’s trauma, bonding . Then put yourself in his shoes , would you want to watch someone you love going back to be abused ? Block block block the abuser . My friend had to see her abusive x as her son was getting engaged. She couldn’t believe how small he was , when she was chatting to his brother and dad , she caught him giving her the look that meant she was doing something wrong . He will never change . You will 💐

If you're feeling lonely, maybe it is time to meet some new friends?

You haven't got anything to fulfill your time that you now have and your brain is scrambling to fit that gap.

If joining groups and money is an issue, there is a platonic app on bumble to meet other females/ girl friends and maybe this could help.

He has been your sole person for a long time. Time to remove the dependence. You can do it!

Is being single really worse that being in a horrible relationship?

Thankyou for taking the time to give me advise x

Hâve you bought the Lundy book yet? To feel better you are going to have to be active about it. Being passive and using MN for reinforcement isn't the same as reading the book and doing the mental challenge. Also find a freedom program. Online is fine. No excuses.

Also I just wanted to say OP that I do understand and I get it, I have been there. I was frightened by the prospect of blocking him and neither being able to contact the other. The first few times it was a half hearted effort where I knew he could still contact me through another means, and he did. And he was furious (communicated as deeply hurt) that I had blocked him on anything. When I fully blocked him, he started calling my work but I told colleagues to expect him so he was never put through to me.
All I will say is that the final block is THE SINGLE BEST THING I EVER DID FOR MYSELF!
Please don't be scared to do it, and as others have said get outside, get a new hobby and try to meet people.
Please keep us updated. I would also highly recommend you research Caroline Strawson, she is an expert on narcissistic abuse.

Allow yourself to grieve the end of the relationship. You can be sad that you’ve lost the person he sometimes pretends to be, just remind yourself of the man he really his.