Help me vent my anger here, instead of to him.

[ThatAbsoluteFkr]

DH grew up in an abusive household. He dad was emotionally, physically and verbally abusive.

He was an utter narcissist and DHs mum didn't protect him at all.

DH is now nearly 40 and a wreck really, he's lost some people close to him the last few years, he's been on medication for over a decade. Therapy. All sorts.

His dad was an awful man. Constant put downs. Shouting. Screaming. Throwing things.

I was terrified of him when we were younger. He constantly belittled us both.

If I got a haircut he would make fun of it. If I was in a picture he took he would say something like 'I thought a bag lady had wandered into shot then'

He did weird, weird things with DH as a small child. He's just a disgusting, vile man.

When my eldest(18 now) was about 5 he was visiting and said something to DS, very much in the same vein as how he treated DH as a child.

DH threw him out of the house. Told him he isn't doing that to his kids.

Went NC and haven't spoke since.

Today someone mentioned DHs dad and I looked him up on FB.

He's retrained as a fucking family therapist. A fucking family therapist!!

His time line has quotes like 'people won't remember you for what you say or what you do, but how you made them feel'

Is he fucking serious?

He ruined my husbands life with his vile behaviour and his family abuse. Now he advises other people on how to be good families?! He has no clue.

I'm just so upset. I want to message him. I want to let him know what he's done to my beautiful husband. How he's affected his whole life because he made him feel like nothing as a child. Didn't give him a shred of love or confidence.
I wnat to leave reviews on his pages.

I want to go round there and slap him tbh

Of course I won't do any of that. I'll post here and vent.

But I'm so mad. So, so, so mad that this man is presenting himself as a bastion of Fatherhood when he's an utter abusive cunt.

I would find out which professional body he is registered with and find out if you can report him.

Agree you could and should take the advice above...

It's sad that the people who are responsible for loving and caring for us can be so awful. I hope your DH can come to terms with his experiences.

Yeah agree with this!

DH disclosed some stuff at therapy and SS got involved because he has children from a new marriage.

I don't think anything came from it but he's always had a very good mask.

I couldn't report him without my DHs permission and DH won't even talk about him.

I just feel sick to my stomach.

You wouldn't belive some of the twisted things he used to do to (tie him up in his sheets as he slept/ put masks on to scare him in the night/ mad him come down when everyone was asleep to watch Euro trash??! WTF??) I'm just so fucking mad.

Your poor DH 🥲

I'd report him too.

I wouldn't 'discuss' it with DH, I'd just tell him what his father is doing & tell him that im reporting him.

Oh my god

Some people are truly sick. I wish I knew his name so I can make sure I never ever use him!!!

Im so sorry for what your husband has experienced at the hands of this evil man. Your poor husband. At least he has you

Why do you need your H's permission to report him?

Some seriously fucked up people become therapists. There's something about that profession that is attractive to narcissists. Perhaps being able to insert themselves into other people's lives (they thrive on drama) and having the potential to influence or control that person.

I know 3 such people, each of them very nasty pieces of work in their own ways. Narcissists are often very charming and very good at masking their dark side.

Because it's his trauma and his family.

If I go behind his back and it comes back to me how do I explain that I did that without talking to him? I would be livid if my husband did something like that, out of revenge and spite. Which is all it is. And anger.

He wouldn't want his dad to know he has any of our headspace.

I understand why you don’t think you can report him but other people can.
Who was the person who mention the man’s name that made you look on FB?
Message me his name and I’ll report him.
I agree that some awful people become therapists ( and other similar positions ) It’s a power trip, as his terrible behaviour towards your DH was.

Surely it's not all revenge and spite.

Your FIL sounds like a sociopath, and he's in a role where he has access to vulnerable people, including minors.

This is a safeguarding concern.

Anonymously report. Numerous times.

I find that most of these 'therapists' and 'counsellors' have very serious dysfunctions themselves, at least, if not actually utterly unhinged, so what you're saying sadly does not surprise me one iota. I'm not talking about psychiatrists or psychologists, but more the lower level/certificate in counselling type thing that's easy to do by correspondence. I knew one once and she was batshit crazy, looked down on her child, and lied about other people.

I'm not sure what reporting him would do, as presumably the substance of the complaint would just be 'I, as a random individual, don't think this person should be doing this job' - I don't think there is a professional body in the world which would rely on hearsay and one person's opinion to take action against a member (it would be different if you were his patient complaining about the care you received, or if you were tipping them off about a proven issue such as a conviction for historic abuse, or maybe a serious ss investigation - if that is the case then definitely report). Agree with @FelisCatus0 and other pp about dangerous people being attracted to counselling/ therapy as a profession.

But all the discussion about reporting is a red herring really - he sounds like an awful human being, and you are completely justified in being angry. It shows just how intense his need to abuse is that even with his son cutting him off he's found another way to locate a victim, all whilst presenting himself as a balanced person. It's chilling, really chilling. That alone, without any details about what your husband went through, speak volumes about what your husband must have suffered.

Firstly well done to your dh for standing up to his df and protecting his dc, it's no mean feat to do the to a narcissist and takes courage.

My armchair psychologist view (I've come across a few in my family) would be that your dh is right. Don't say anything to him, he'll love that, even after all these years you're giving him head space, it's exactly what he wants. I strongly suspect that he's still raging that your dh has gone nc and is probably the reason why he's taken this career path. Almost an 'I'll show you that I'm not the problem, you are. Im a family therapist so I can't be what you say I am, it must be you being over sensitive, dramatic 'insert other words here'. To say anything will just give him what he wants.

As for reporting him, I'd love to do this, I'd hate the thought of families in crisis speaking to such a man, but I expect his mask is very good and he might be good at his job because of this. Narcissistic people can be very good and are often in the most unsuitable roles. I also don't know how you'd go about reporting him unless he's had a criminal or Ss charge