Police or the lawyers?

[Zinus]

My ex is a study of coercive control and given the change in the law, post separation behaviour is now also a crime under SCA 2015

i have some evidence, and his behaviour continues - do I go to the police directly or do I instruct a solicitor specialising in this?

I just want him to stop.

I suggest the police, as it is a criminal offence I believe

Hey

I work in criminal justice and definitely go to the police. The police gather evidence to produce in court....if prosecutors accept the case then solicitors get involved.

Hope this helps

Thankyou. I’m reading up on evidence gathering. Any useful steers and examples would be good.

if I went to the police how soon are they likely to speak to my ex?

Guess it depends on what evidence you have?

PM’d you

What sort of coercive control does he do?

Please seek help from support services too - there will be loads in the area who can help. They work independently of the police, so you can tell them anything.

Can you leave the address and seek refuge?

You can enlist the help of police and a private solicitor - both can run side by side - criminal case and a civil case.

Don't put yourself in danger and phone 999 if you're in any kind of doubt.

I hope you can find the strength to leave and keep yourself safe.

It’s post separation - messing me around with child contact and finances, all with the intention of power over me.

Possibly more a civil law enquiry

Civil solicitors can help with getting court orders in place so he has to follow strict times with access to the children. If he doesn't stick to them, then he loses all access to them.

If he is not giving you the money that your are entitled to, then this can be chased up through a civil solicitor. They will be an order put on him where he gives you so much money a month.

Child contact arrangements and finances as a PP has stated will need to be chased by the courts, or indeed assuming it hasn't gone through court yet, needs to be done ASAP.
It really depends on what's going on, before anyone can advice. Coercive control is a lot different to 'messing' someone about re childcare. Iyswim.

@Lifesgood23 I'm sorry but you can't possibly know that. The OP gave no facts as to what exactly was occurring.
Not everything is controlling and coercive. Until you have all the information it's actually detrimental to say what you have!

That she is a victim of a statutory criminal offence...

You had another thread on this.

You need to stop contact.

Forget about him.

Don't expect maintenance- millions of absent fathers never pay it.

Thankyou. I really really really appreciate your
post. Massively.

The other thread:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/legal_matters/4806668-coercive-control-police-or-lawyers?page=1

@Lifesgood23 appreciate your response. And, I also appreciate your certainty. However there simply isn't enough factual evidence to suggest this. If the OP came back with a little more information I would also advise as you have, if required. But it's a fine line...it's easy to throw around many words, and throw around many accusations when separating. Whilst I am not suggesting the OP is lying, I am suggesting no one can judge this post on the limited information given. Despite the wording.

Thanks again for your input..also finished.😊

@Zinus thanks for the link, I hadn't seen that post, nor had I any extra information.
I think your first option is to get a child arrangements order on place. Having the children's access only on the consent order isn't enough. Sort that ASAP. And then sort your Child Maintenance. Ensure its enough, you shouldn't at this point be chasing for anything more. All related costs when the children are in your care should be from Maintenance,not as extras.
I may have missed this, but, how old are your children? You say they'd take it out on you if they didn't get to see him, but, that's cross we have to bear to keep put children safe.
He threatens their safety. If they are below 11/12 stop all access.
Force him to make the child arrangements order and cite why you've denied access when the time comes.
You don't want them having access to a narcissistic ass like that? So stop it.
Take control. Fight back. Your children will forgive you and understand.
The divorce is done, you say, so stop allowing him to dictate.
At best he'd get a slap on the wrist from the police, as you've seen already. So your best bet is to stop feeding the narc.
You say, why should he get away with it...because you're allowing it currently. Stop biting and that will be his worst punishment.

@Lifesgood23 possibly similar to you...

Actually, your advice is pretty lousy too and presumably "gathered by Googling." What should happen and what actually happens is not necessarily the same.

The numbers of prosecutions for domestic violence relative to the number of complaints is tiny. This does suggest the police find it quite challenging to go from the point they receive a complaint to the point that they can persuade the CPS to take the prosecution forward. The numbers of prosecution for coercive control is even smaller.

That's not to say that it's a bad idea to go to the police but rather that I wouldn't have a huge degree of confidence that the complaint would progress very far without evidence. The police cannot prosecute someone solely on the word of a victim and the CPS will want to be reasonably confident that the perpetrator will be found guilty "beyond reasonable doubt" (and unlike domestic violence, they cannot even take photograph evidence that a person has been subject to violence by someone).

Two particular challenges in proving coercive control are first that the examples of behaviour, if isolated rather than "repeated" and "consistent," can be reasonable (e.g. a number of people on this forum have taken it upon themselves to surveil a husband they think is guilty of having an affair having been gaslit for years. Were it not for the "repeated" and "consistent" requirements under the law, both the husband and wife would be guilty of domestic abuse, which I think many of us would agree would be an absurd outcome).

The second is that - without violence - the victim must be able to demonstrate "serious effect." Without it, there is no offence. A lot of people treat their partner a bit shabbily, but there is nonetheless still a difference between being a shit partner or spouse and being a criminal. The law was designed to protect abuse victims and not so that people exiting messy relationships with sporadic bad behaviours could use the courts for revenge. Unfortunately that means the bar to prove coercive control is very high and possibly too high.

However, regardless, it is not good form to tell someone to believe in the authorities when maybe they will not be very helpful at all. I do agree the OP should report the matter to the police but I would also bet a large sum of money that they won't act on the information.

@Lifesgood23 I'm not actually sure what your issue is here. The OP has posted on a public forum, asking for advice. I have given advice, and it is up to the OP if she opts to take it.
As per all posts on MN, there will be differences of opinion.
And actually, that's life. But what's great about life is that people have their own thoughts and opinions, whether based upon professional thoughts, personal experience or both.
You however seem to take issue with anyone who chooses not to think as you do. Which is frankly, rude and disrespectful. Which is why I chose not to answer you as to what my qualifications were...
You reek of entitlement and clearly have a chip on your shoulder. So with all due respect, I'm out. And shall not be responding to another of your posts.
OP, if you are still reading these, I apologise..