10 year marriage, finally left.. is this abuse? or me being over dramatic?

[Gemski38]

In a nut shell
10 year relationship, married 8 years. He had a daughter and i had 2 sons, we met and i was pregnant within months 😣and we had 1 son together. Very fast paced relationship looking back..
His ex was mentally unwell (though i find him just as bad) social services removed his daughter and placed her with us, therefore i have brought her up full time for the past 10 years

So the issues were/are
Calls me names when angry or we are bickering - Shit mum, Shit step mum, cold, ice queen, heartless, psycho..
Used to threaten to hurt my dad, or my ex husband when angry
Cannot take blame at all. Like ever.. will get nasty, deny everything, bounce it back on me so NOTHING gets resolved.
Very bad temper, cannot tolerate stress at all. Will go from calm to shouting in seconds
Threatened to rape me years ago
Controlling - hates me wearing tight clothes, bright lipstick, goes through my instagram seeing what men i have on there. I had a few on from the gym we go to,, he went nuts and says I've made him insecure and is disrespectful. Hates my friends especially the ones i have made in uni on my degree. Calls them names, says "i have fucking replaced him" and accused them of brain washing me when i finally had enough
Lets me do EVERYTHING for the 4 children, xmas, birthdays, holidays etc, then im controlling 🙄
Says my body is "wasted" because i dont do anything with it or put it to good use (sex)
Sex obssessed, vile texts all day (more since i have left) will be mean then get into bed wanting sex
Needs to be adored and loved as he has feelings to

Theres loads more, but basically after another night of name calling, going through my phone reading all my texts. He went beserk, called me a fucking lesbian, fucking weird, saying he was going to fill my friends in, and i had to choose, HIM OR THEM

i stood up, said fuck this and left 😭Its been horrific. He didnt care in the beginning but was asking for sex conbstantly (i think he may have had someone in the 1st few weeks) but now hes back.. Crying, saying its me, i was brainwashed in uni and left when i didnt want to apparently. The manipulation is very very bad and im wobbling

Is this abuse? or just a bad temper? Or a man who cannot communicate? He's 42 😳

I feel unwell with it all xx

Do the freedom programme! I didn’t do it but I’ve heard good things

"Why would you want your children to live like that"?

This! Please stay strong for their sake. Living with this abusive man will be seriously messing them up (even if you think you're protecting them from his horrific - and what you've described is absolutely horrifying behaviour), so please please stay away from this man. It will be doing so much damage to them. Don't add horrendous guilt in the future for how your children have turned out because you didn't protect them by leaving now. Best

Who cares if he's good looking and other women mighty be interested (at first)? You know his true colours. He sounds horrendous! Better to waste ten years than a lifetime on this guy. It's not normal, no.

Best of luck that should have said. People can do superhuman things to protect their children, so you can definitely do this!

Oh mate , good looks don't last - good people are far more valuable.

Good luck x

Well he broke his ex and now he's going to try and break you.

Make a lot of plans before you leave, because this bit will be the part he likes most.

He will pick up another woman very quickly so just be ready for that. I feel for his daughter especially.

He sounds dangerously abusive. If you have not read this book yet, give it a go: https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

If you were to report this controlling and coercive behaviour to the police they would be duty bound to make social services aware if he is the sole carer for his daughter. You could also contact SS and express your concern regarding his abuse towards her

Yes yes it's abuse. He's an absolute maniac.

Can you block him? No shared dc? You are well off without him, he’s horrifically abusive.

This is horrific abuse.

This.

He is vile. Have zero contact if possible. And also document every stalker-ish behaviour & report.

If you have any texts or evidence of his threats to burn the house, etc, please bring them to the police. Ask about a protection order.

If the SD is in school, please report him to the safeguarding head in the school.

Be sure to make it clear to this child that she can leave and go to the police if she feels threatened. Be sure to tell her she can come to you too.

You need to block this unhinged man on all your SM.

But you need to report the abuse to the police first.

Why the hell did SS put his daughter with this abusive man!

These types always get you pregnant quickly, to trap you. They know there is something wrong with them. He is not handsome he's ugly, a horrible empty abyss of nothingness. Taking everything he can, but its never enough to fill the emptiness of who he is. Nothing to give in return. Grey rock him, give him nothing so he will leave you alone to get his narc ego supply elsewhere. It will take some time to recover from this abuse, be kind to yourself, look after yourself and speak gently to yourself. They prey on lovely people sadly.

You need to report him to SS telling them everything you've put on here as otherwise he will be doing it all to her next instead

Well done for leaving

I was going to say this.
This man sounds as if he has some kind of personality disorder. He needs to disappear from your life. It is not yours or your kids job to tolerate or fix him.

Threatened to rape me years ago

And you stayed? 😯

Of course he's abusive. Dont doubt yourself on that. No normal man threatens rape or beat other people up. Ever.