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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why would husband delay filing divorce?

3 replies

Helpots · 15/05/2023 11:51

My daily musing as I struggle to come to terms with the end of my marriage.

H left just over 7 weeks ago, depression, MH problems, he's now holed up at his mum's. Doesn't love me, wants a divorce eventually. I've begged, I've tried to reason, I've suggested counselling, all ignored or refused by him, he's adamant it's over.

I've therefore put to him that he send me the court fee if he really wants a divorce - he hasn't sent it, told me the other week that he's 'not ready for divorce.'

He's had brief 'free' legal advice (I'm a family lawyer, we don't do free advice, it's a breach of indemnity insurance) but tells me he's not formally instructed anyone. He's wanting mediation for finances, but hasn't made any efforts to make the referral.

He's taken the majority of his belongings.

He's a high earner so could afford to move out of his mums whilst paying towards our home. He tells me he's not thought of moving out from his mums. He's looked at the divorce procedure but hasn't looked into the long term impact of divorce on us and our DD.

He's cut me off completely, when I do speak with him, he is erratic and manic, screaming verbal abuse at me, there is no rationality to him.

Why if he's adamant that it's over, is he not making any efforts to bring it to an end?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 15/05/2023 11:54

He isnt sure and leaving his options open or maybe he just doesnt want the stress of divorce proceedings right now. Its only been 7 weeks. And its probably better to delay it until he is in a better frame of mind and can make rational decisions.

Helpots · 15/05/2023 12:02

@Viviennemary my hope is that he 'comes around' from the depression/MH in time - we've been here before but not on this serious a scale and we weren't married at the time. I just want our life and my family back, I miss the real him so much

OP posts:
Shivvy120 · 15/05/2023 12:03

Maybe he isn't actually 100% sure, maybe his mom is telling him to give it time. Maybe there's something else going on and he's waiting to see how that pans out before cutting ties (an affair possibly, wondering will it work out with that new person or not?) Just an option, trying to come up with ideas as finances would be my first guess but clearly that isn't an issue.

Delaying things is not helping, why don't you begin proceedings? I know it's hard but why wait for a man who is screaming at you and telling you he doesnt love you?

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