Partner cheated, I feel numb, when does the anger set in?

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I can't eat or sleep. It was a one night stand (but who really knows?) I trusted him completely. Completely.
I feel like a deflated balloon, walking is heavy, washing dishes is heavy. I haven't cried but neither has he.

I don't want to make any decisions right now but we have 3 children together 9, 7 and 2.

Ahh bless you ❤️
Don't make any rash decisions.
Only you can't decide how to proceed but you need time to process it.
There's no hard and fast rules about crying or anger, you'll be in shock.
Take your time, do what's best for you.
When someone cheats it rocks your world, the betrayal, the hurt, especially when it's the person who you trust the most.
I'm thinking of you ❤️

I 100% trusted him, I go on his phone whenever.
I'm embarrassed because he did this infront of his friends, their wives are my friends. nobody said anything. i don't know if they know and didn't tell or didn't know. The men knew

I am so sorry for you. I am going through the same thing. I’m a month later and still haven’t figured things out. But what I can say is you are going to have so many emotions. Let them flow through you and you owe no one any decisions now. It is hard. But try and get support. But not from him. My ex has been horrible at times and then sorry. It’s so confusing. Hang in there and love to you.

This may have been the first time.

Men who cheat in front of their friends, have gotten away with small things (drink buying, flirting, kissing), and then eventually start doing bigger things (taking women back with them etc).

I would say at least one of the wives knows.

My DH has a friend who kissed women on nights out and had done for years. The friends all tell him off, but he does it anyway. A few months a go, he slept with one of the women and then came back to the club. Everyone was furious and lots have stopped their friendship with him.

How did you find out?

My husband betrayed me (although not in the same way). 2 years on, I'm still not angry. Just unbelievably sad for my children, as it has (and will) seriously affect their lives. For me too I suppose, but they are my priority.

What I have learned however, is that how you react to trauma is a very personal thing. There is no right or wrong. Often, people have opinions on how you should feel and what you should do (I know I used to). But until you are in the situation yourself where your whole life is shaken to its very foundations, you have no idea how you will react.

It's hard, but try to trust in yourself and know that you can do it. Look after yourself and your kids - good luck.

I’m so sorry OP. It’s the most gut-wrenching feeling in the world. I’d recommend the Surviving Infidelity website - there’s a forum for people who have just found out, which has loads of advice.

Don’t make any big decisions for a few weeks, just do what makes you feel better in the short term. That might be asking your husband to move out for a while, going to stay with a friend or having some really difficult conversations. Focus on eating, sleeping, taking care of yourself. Infidelity trauma is very real and it’s hard to navigate.

I think when this type of thing happens, relationships never recover. People forgive, but forgetting is very hard. Something kinda similar but not quite, it wasn't cheating, happened to me. I was left devastated and questioning everything. I don't think my relationship ever really recovered but I stayed as I do love him. Has given me not one single reason since (4 years later) to doubt him. I don't know what id have done if I had to deal with cheating when something that wasn't cheating almost ended us.
It's up to you at the end of the day. You are right to be taking your time to decide. You are the person who has to make the call, not a friend or family member. Don't let anyone influence your choice, they won't be losing anything by telling you to leave & it's very easy to give that advice. Just concentrate on figuring out what you want.

My husband had an affair 16 years ago, he was devastated when I found out and broke it off, he begged me for a second chance. He 100% committed to me. We had counselling and I truly thought our marriage was strong because we had the experience and the knowledge to ever stop it happening again. We were happy for 16 years.

Then he met someone at a low point in our marriage, I'm going through the menopause and have been having a tough time, he has always had bad mental health and anxiety and he was struggling. All the tools we had set up to stop it happening again were of zero use as he didn't want them to be of use. He knew it would lead to our marriage ending but he was happy for that to happen as he'd fallen in love with her. He still loves me and I truly believe he'll regret what he's done, but she's currently exciting and I'm not. When he eventually realises she's no more exciting than me, he'll plummet into depression, but it'll be too late I'll never take him back now. I'm 3 weeks in now and still devastated, I'm not eating or drinking.

Save yourself the heartache. Dealing with infidelity was very hard the first time but he fought for me and that was intoxicating, it's much harder when you've been left behind. It would've been easier for me to rebuild my life at 40 than it will be at 56. I wish I'd gone after the first time.

Be kind to yourself and take your time, remember any decisions made now are not set in stone and you can change your mind at any time.

My ExDP of 23 years had an EA and he was trying his best to get her into bed, i know if i hadnt of found out he would have done and then left me.

I was devastated, my world was rocked and i fought hard to stay together, it trashed my mental health and left me a wreck and a weak woman.

4 years later we have split, half of me is glad i stayed and we had those 4 years and the other half is angry that i didnt kick him out there and then as we would be 4 years down the line.

We split in January and by March he has moved in with the woman from the EA, i am upset and hurt but i know i did the right thing by splitting. It was my decision as i checked out, ExDP was getting more selfish and self serving and i had enough.

My advice would be to dump him but i know its not easy and i didnt have the strength to do it. I know marriages can get stronger and be rebuilt but for me the cost of my mental health, my self worth and my inner peace, its not worth it