How did you survive it or get over it? Time? Did you ever have it out with them or get any answers?
I met a seemingly decent guy last year and we dated on and off for around 8-9 months. At first it felt intense, we had insane chemistry, however it was also unsettling because he was very closed off even after many months - which I simply put down to him being a more reserved lesson than I. Eventually I realised I frequently felt uncertain because it never felt like he was opening up. I had been considering ending things due to him being emotionally unavailable, so it had pretty much run it's course and I felt ok with that decision. Then I actually ended up finishing things very quickly one night, we'd met to talk when he suddenly went on a bizarre anti-female rant. Obvs I left quickly and we never ended up talking or having any kind of closure, I just got the hell out!
I googled some of the things he had said and discovered 'the manosphere' all this stuff referring to women as gold-diggers, women's brains as hamster wheels, men rating women's bodies, all these tips and tricks for getting women, for leading them on and getting low-effort regular sex, being an alpha male and so on. Really thinking back over our time together, I realised I could tick off practically every pick up artist/seduction trick listed on these redpill/manosphere sites and forums. The times I'd felt unsure was a certain technique. The hot and heavy chemistry was another trick. Withholding compliments, breadcrumbing, push and pull, all designed to mess with a woman's head and make her vulnerable. So on and on. I now feel like much of our relationship was all completely faked and what an absolute idiot I was for falling for all of it.
Interestingly it lead me to reading up on some psychology articles, and these 'seduction techniques' can essentially rewire your brain. So that you end up relying on and seeking out validation from this person even though you know logically they are toxic, they are like your 'high' and in some cases it can create a trauma bond tying you to the manipulator.
I thought I was doing fine without him, not seen him for many weeks now, and he did try to 'breadcrumb' me after I ended it but I didn't bite. However something must have triggered me because this weekend I've desperately wanted to reach out to him. God knows why, I'm aware how pathetic and weak this is so don't come for me! He's a horrible misogynist and I dodged a bullet - my rational brain knows this. I haven't contacted him of course because I rationally don't want anything to do with him, but my head or heart is obviously missing something about him, much to my shame. I think really it's because it feels like unfinished business, I'd love to know if he was just laughing at me the whole time for falling for his tricks or if anything between us was ever real. We had some amazing times (or so it felt to me, probably not at all to him) and now to think it was all a huge lie just baffles me. No idea how anyone can sustain a fake persona for the best part of a year! I know logically if I asked him anything about this, I wouldn't get anywhere and just another load of lies, but I just wish I could undo whatever he's done to my brain.