Okey, that it! I am absolutely done! I admit defeat and the fact that I’ll never get to experience love.

[PainfulAnkles]

I’ve never been very good at being alone and since that’s how I’m going to be spending my life, I could really use advice from those who are happily single.

For reference: I live and like to live, a quiet and clean life.
I won’t be jet-setting or building an empire.
So what do I do?
I’ve watched some youtube videos on single life, but they haven’t been very helpfull.
I still keep thinking how nice it would be to live with someone and all that love crap.

I’ve been reading some of the threads here today and they paint a miserable picture of relationships. So if I can know this, why do I still dream about a partner?

It's great! I got a camper van and took myself on solo weekends away, went to group camps with other singles and made some amazing friends. Went for walks in the moonlight listening to music on my headphones, cooked myself whatever I wanted to eat. Read books, made my bedroom a private sanctuary, wore whatever clothes I wanted to wear without worrying what other people thought, all of your money is your own. When people said 'my husband will kill me that I've bought this, I'll have to hide it!' I felt relieved! Yes there are lonely moments of course, but there can also be lonely moments when you're in a relationship.

Maybe one day you'll meet someone who's worth sharing your amazing single life with. But they'd have to be pretty amazing to match it 😉

Damn, I also want to find happiness in being single!

Was the single group thing more around finding a partner, or was it like an actual support group for singles / alone people?

The group camps sound fun. Are they an organised thing?

I camp a lot. Alone. Hike. Do yoga and the gym. See friends. Go out for meals...especially brunch is lively to have on your own in a nice cafe with a good book.

I take care of my home. Buy nice things. My career is important.

I've travelled to Africa, Europe and Asia solo.

The thing is with relationships yes they can look tempting...but the reality requires you to sacrifice a lot. The standard of men is low...they have lower academic achievements than us, higher rates if adduction, of criminality, of personality disorders and according to Ofcim 98% view point regularly.

It's important I think not to say you've given up entirely but that you're not compromising your happiness fir someone less evolved than you.

Also I've done adult ballet classes, joined a rollerskating club, studied and passed my wine exams, learned foreign languages, go to the theatre solo and have been to a few festivals on my own.

It's actually more fun as you haven't got a bloke sulking, picking fights, getting drunk etc etc you can just do what you want.

Just start with anything...any interest you've always had..pottery, tap dancing, croquet and Google it....once you start living life for yourself it's worth derful.

I know all my friends in relationships and my single friends admire and envy all the things I'm doing

And I'm more stable emotionally because I'm not having to cater to some moody, petty bloke!!

So many typos above...sorry...porn not point and hope you can work the others out!

Also sorry...I realised I assumed you were a straight woman, and you didn't say that so I'm really sorry to have assumed.

Thank you for the list and your view point @Niceseasidetown !

I’m going to start a list of things I want to do and look more into hobbies - I’ve always been the type to start a new interest and get frustrated because I don’t feel like I’m any good. So I’ll have to stick up with some things.

Can I ask you one more question?
How do you handle the questions about being single? And I know and it sounded that not all your friends/family are in very happy relationships, and also know that there are downsides (again, your list is on point) but do you still SOMETIMES compare or find it difficult to be alone/single?

Oddly I stopped thinking about it when I started Sertraline. Not everyone's cup of tea though.

The group camps were a bit of both really, some people were looking to meet someone, but many others were happily single and just looking to meet new friends.

If you're on Facebook there are quite a few groups you can search for to find like minded people. Adventure singles comes to mind (that may be more of a dating group, but there are lots of others) and there are also groups for women only (solo women campers, something like that?) Actually even on the singles groups that have a dating element you can state in your profile that you're not looking for a relationship, many people do.

But yes, if outdoors and camping isn't your thing then get yourself to a class doing something else you might enjoy, a language, an art class, exercise classes, you have so much lovely time just for you, enjoy it!

Regarding questions about being single, I rarely got them. I know one lady I used to work with used to say 'oh poor you, I hope you meet someone soon', and I assured her I was very happy as I was!

I’ve been reading some of the threads here today and they paint a miserable picture of relationships. So if I can know this, why do I still dream about a partner?

People tend to seek advice on the negatives rather than positives, and dreaming is not limited by reality; you can imagine all of the decent bits and the relationship can be whatever you want in your own mind despite what the reality would probably be.

Cliche as it sounds building a life that you love and finding a way to love yourself is the best thing you can ever do- single or in a relationship.

What do you enjoy doing? Do you have hobbies- are there any you've never tried but often think about or wish you had? Do you have time to volunteer for something you're passionate about? Any desires to become healthier or reach any sort of goal- ie a fitness goal? Are you happy in your job or do you want to commit to retraining?

Invest time in yourself, stay connected with friends and meet new people, be really honest with yourself about what you can do for you.

Good questions...Will reply after work

For me having a child alone (I'm a solo mum by choice and have used a sperm donor to conceive) has finally put an end to "meeting someone" narrative. I genuinely had wanted that for many many years.

I was tired of the not meeting someone (and subsequently failing to have children), the world revolving around me when single and childless and having far too much downtime which I didn't know what to do with. I'm an ordinary person with am ordinary job, and I couldn't care less about"traveling". I wanted commitment and life long responsibility as well as kinship and family of my own. I'm at peace, finally.

Mumsnet is a terrible place to learn about relationships. People in happy relationships don't post to boards like this, so you're pretty much only going to get the nightmare stories. I've been very, very happily married for 25+ years but I'd never gush about it on social media.

On the subject if questions from friends and family...

You may need to repeat yourself several times over a period of years.

People want you to be happy. People also perhaps don't understand the quality of the man market. So to them, it's hard to understand why you do not simply find a lovely man.

When people see you happy and busy they will ask less.

Repeat yourself firmly and confidently. Something like "that's not on my priority list right now I'm too busy doing x and y". Avoid defending your decision...it's not something you need approval for. But also avoid huge sweeping statements such as "I will never ever go on a date again so long as I live" because that does invite challenge.

Over time all my lived ones can see I'm having a blast and simply much, much happier than I was in any relationship.

The only people who still raise it are my Internet dating obsessed long term single friends because honestly I think it threatening to think that I reject all that. They meet a series of lovers and liars and I sympathise and give advice so to me it's hilarious when they suggest "would you not want to give it a go".

That brings me to your second question as to whether I ever miss having a partner. Probably for around 15 minutes a month on average. But what I miss isn't reality...it's a man who doesn't exist, or a real person with invented behaviours and values.

I consciously value and appreciate my freedom and spontaneity. And I look back and see how curtailed that was in relationships. But that has taken some time....it's ok to be wistful or curious. You don't need to make a decision forever, you just need to say, I am going to put myself absolutely first this year and I'm going to live as if I'll always have that privilege.

If something happens to change your mind that is ok but i think fir me it was onky by thinking of a long period of time solo that I really started invested in big exciting solo plans and lifestyle changes.

I see so many women put life on hold because "I might meet someone and then he might have a cat allergy / might not like camping / might not want me to go to Costa Rica for a month/ might be put off that I'm a pro weightlifter"...so they just sort of languish and give off these sad and uptight vibes....

Which takes me back to my first point, when people see you doing great stuff that you love they stop thinking that a boyfriend would be an improvement. They start thinking about shaking up their own lives. A hell of a lot of coupledom can be about routine, reassurance and resentment.

There's a book called The Joy of Being Single which can be patronising and also really irritated me as at the end the author says actually she now has a boyfriend.

But it has good points. Worth a read maybe.

The trouble with much advice is that it's about creating an illusion of a great life to lure a man and joining clubs where you might meet a man.

Actually deciding to live for yourself is a different proposition

I've gradually come to realise that the loves of my life are people and things other than a permanent partner. A friend being one. My career being another. It's also struck me how many of the girls I went to school with are now very happy single middle aged women who very much enjoy their lives, their friends, their hobbies, their exploring and holidays, their freedom.