How do I go about separating and getting a divorce?

[2020toast]

It might sound like a silly question but I'm asking in case anyone has been through anything similar recently with young children.

I won't bore with details but just to say I've been in an awful marriage for 7 years with a very horrible man. Constant verbal abuse, emotional abuse, manipulation, fighting with my family, the list goes on.

We have a 3 year old who is in nursery at the moment. Other important information: we currently live with his parents (not through choice), I work and have a pretty decent job so I can afford to be a single mum. I have my parents and brothers about an hour away. If I left I would live with my parents while I settle down close to where they are. My family have been and would be very supportive.

He is a very angry man whom I've had arrested in the past for threatening and aggressive behaviour. I have a strong inkling when I finally do physically leave, he will physically try to stop me and take the baby (as he has threatened before multiple times when I've threatened to leave).

I'm a good mum and in fairness he's a decent dad. But a horrific partner (and son, brother, cousin, uncle, etc).

I've heard of a non-molestation order. Would I need that? I'm not afraid of him (anymore) because I am fully prepared to call the police again if I need to.

How does divorce work if let's say he refuses to proceed? What about splitting anything financially? What about his rights as a dad to see our child?

I have a made contact for a consultation with a family law solicitor to also speak to someone who can legally advise.

Thanks for any and all advice.

Bumping

So sorry to hear you're going through this and sorry no-one has replied to you. I'm not much help in regards to advice especially divorce but I'm glad you have family who will help support you and wish you the best. I hope the family law solicitor will be able to help you xxx

I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. Here’s a website that I used for reference ages ago when I got divorced - it’s a mine of information: https://divorce.wikivorce.com/

You contact women’s aid ( or similar organisation ) and make a very detailed plan . The most dangerous time for women and children is when they are leaving a violent man.

Do not breathe a word about this to him or anyone in his family. Do not threaten to leave or even hint about it in an attempt to make him behave better. Too many women do this and pay for it with their lives or their children’s lives.

do not threaten , do not discuss or try to negotiate . Make a plan and get you and your child out to safety.

please don’t think I’m exaggerating . That he’s a good father, as you said. No good father has a history of violence and abuse and had threatened to abduct his baby.

Make Copies or photograph everything about money . Any threatening texts he has sent you. Record any abusive conversations on your phone. Store everything on the cloud not on your device . Change your passwords on everything . Don’t stay logged in on any website like this one.

If he knows your Mn name, ask for this thread to be deleted and start a new one under a new user name.

He's not a good dad at all because he is aggressive and abusive.

I think log a police 101 too. They won't tell your husband but it might be useful in the future, especially to log the abusive pattern of behaviour etc

Thank you everyone for your lovely advice. I have kept all messages (I've actually never deleted any of our WhatsApp messages from 2016, so there must be a lot in there!). I feel really strange. It's almost like I've only suddenly come to the realisation that I've been in an verbally abusive marriage this whole time. We didn't live together before we got married, and so I didn't see this side of him. I'm from an Indian culture and so it's not typical to do so. What makes it even harder is the fact that I'm from an Indian background, because the social pressure to just "wait it out/he is a lot better than he used to be" etc is really weighing me down. Instinctively, I know I shouldn't be in this marriage. It's the drip drip drip of aggression over the years; coming home from work in a bad mood, complaints about my "duties" as a wife such as having dinner ready. I really do feel like I hate him. But I'm also not a big fan of myself either because I wish I had the courage to leave him/left him already. I think if I had a real plan of action, I could do it. There is nothing I would "need" him for.

The family solicitor wasn't too helpful but she did put me in contact with somebody who would be more helpful.

Has anyone ever been through anything similar?