Complicated living arrangements

[Cheeseontoast29]

Hi,
This is a long story but will try to keep to brief points. Around 10 years ago me and DP had 2 small children and were happy where we lived. DP started working at the family business approx 18 miles away. An idea came up to move there, easier to work on the family business etc. I initially thought it sounded fun but after a few days changed my mind. Much discussion ensued over approx the next year and in the end I thought one of us needed to give way so agreed to move. I also chose that time to leave my job and stay at home with the children.
I was miserable in the new place, we talked and discussed it a lot, ended up staying 6 years, then moved back to the original town but a different area. I felt better but obviously time had moved on and things weren't the same with friends etc. DP was not happy so after 2.5 years we came back to live at the family business again. I still feel it is not 'my' place and my identity is not here. Kids obviously older now, 14,.13 and 10. Don't want to keep moving them, but also don't want to live with regret and resentment for my own needs. Happy with DP except for this issue.

I'd recommend staying put and making it work this time. I noticed a while ago how some people seem to have the knack of somehow making whatever they have seem desirable, even if it's not expensive... It's the way they embrace things, talk them up, see the positive, value the things that are good and celebrate the guys effect it has on them. You've got a family, wherever you are right now it's all about them - seek out and embrace opportunities for them - thrive on their achievements and happiness - value the shorter commute your husband has - get back into work yourself if that might give you another interest. There's rarely a perfect location, everything changes.
When I was about 16 my family was moving - I was furious, didn't want to leave my friends, first friend to visit said she loved it at my new town and would move there like a shot!

DP started working at the family business approx 18 miles away. An idea came up to move there, easier to work on the family business etc.
Sorry 18 miles or 180 miles?
Why would 18 miles be such an issue, could he not have commuted?

Thank you for replies. I will give some more details. So I have been working most of the time since then, just was at home for an initial year when we first moved. That has definitely kept me sane and I love going to work.
There are complicated issues because the family business is also right next door to DP's family. They have kids who get on well with mine. Due to this my kids are happy but I can't shake the feeling that it's not MY place. My family live closer to where we lived originally, and so DP's parents have much closer access to the kids than my own parents do.
On top of this there are a lot of financial complications that we got embroiled in when we first moved..

I'm sorry but 18 miles? There was no need to move at all really was there unless we are missing important information.
Why can't you live where you want with the children and your husband stay at work during the week and come home at the weekend?

If the place you live is safe and provides for your basic needs, happiness can be found there.

if there are particular issues with living too close to family, that is different. Sometimes a bit of distance can be healthy for maintaining better relationships.

Thank you, this is really helping. There are a few issues here. Definitely proximity to family has been one of them. A feeling of not being able to be myself.
Over the years I have expended a lot of energy blaming myself for not liking being here, it has affected my mental health. I have clung to friends from previous place and not properly committed to being here. I have told myself I'm doing it for the kids but have also resented it. The unfairness of being right next door to DPs family and further away from mine has been hard.
I have felt trapped here and that I can't see myself staying here or making plans. When I think about being somewhere else I feel free.
Around 5 years ago I talked to DP about separating, as the issue of where we lived seemed to be eating us both up. He said he would miss me so much, so we agreed to carry on.
I love and admire him, he is a fantastic person and great dad. I want to live where I want though. I wonder if we can have an arrangement where we live in 2 places.

What's wrong with the new place, why can't you be yourself?
I don't think it's fair to keep moving the children back and forth, for a whim that you can "be yourself" somewhere else, it's within your gift to be yourself wherever you are.
In most relationships unless you grew up in the same town you'll be geographically closer to one set of grandparents. Q8 miles is nothing, go and see your parents every other weekend and have them round for tea once a week.

Thanks for the replies. It is a deep rooted situation and has caused me depression, as well as conflict with DP. He has big strong family network around here, whereas my parents are divorced, one lives 18 miles away and the other one 30. But it's mainly that I still want my own network away from his large family. Also this is suburbs and I prefer the buzz of a town/city. I have definitely tried to embrace it but feel better when away. I think now the kids are older, the question I am pondering is whether we can live flexibly between 2 places. Obviously money is an issue too.