Looked at his phone

[radroa]

I looked at my partner's phone last night.

He had broken my trust recently by listening to a therapy session (I did post about this and decided to leave him, still waiting for the move to go ahead).

He has been talking about me to his ex for YEARS. Calling me unstable, telling her that she's the only one he ever wants a child with. He's so glad she's the mother of his only child whilst telling me we will have a family "next year".

I'm absolutely livid. We were out together last night and he got drunk and started laying into me. I should stop spending time with him, he's a mean drunk. He felt asleep and I went through his messages, searched my name and saw hundreds of messages between them about me.

I can't wait to leave. I'm so enraged. I'm buying a flat, it's taking so long. I hate him, five years of my life with this man that has been future faking me and slagging me off to his ex. I have wasted my early 20s. I am so unbelievably stupid, completely disillusioned.

I remember your other post. Stop beating yourself up and just focus on getting out. I would not spend any time with him whatsoever. Pretend like he's not even there.

At least you've found out now and can do something about it. Hopefully in the future you can find someone that's not devious and disrespectful.

Don’t beat your self up. At least it’s not ten years so could be worse.

Take time for yourself and tackle it one step at a time.

At least you now know the truth and you can cut ties, drama free. If you don’t have any kids tieing you down, be happy you don’t have to see him ever again.
Id leave now and I wouldn’t have any reservations about straight out blocking him. Don’t listen to him if he tries to placate you with lies. He’s shown his colors, run!

Your leaving him, go grey rock, stop spending any time with him.

He's an arsehole (I remember your other thread), count yourself lucky you didn't saddle yourself with his children. This way you can find someone who genuinely loves, cares and respects you

It feels so painful right now but there will be a time in the future when he will be a vague memory and you will be happy.

If nothing else this will stop you from forgiving him and trying to make your relationship work if he tries the sorry, I love you, i want to make this work blahblah. You now know, without a shadow of a doubt, that he is an absolute arsehole.

Your ex is a wrongun and HIS ex is stupid to entertain a man whingeing about his partner. You're off to a wonderful new life where you won't ever have to think about either of them again.

Thank you, everyone.

I'm really hoping to get an exchange date next week.

I remember your other thread. He isn't a decent person and I'm glad you are moving on. Hope you get the exchange date soon. Update us when you can.

I remember your other thread too.

He sounds like a drunkard.

And that's not even the worst thing about him.

Can you stay elsewhere and stop associating with this wanker til you move.

Hope he has fun getting someone else to do his childcare and school run.

Oh and funny how he's so fond of his ex and mother of his child yet they're somehow not together. Couldn't make it work with her. Been shagging and living with a 20 - 25 yr woman for the last 5 years ..... Big love story between them, clearly "meant to be".

How this wanker ever pulled you, I do not know.

Youth maybe.

A lot of women have shit dating and relationship experiences in their 20s so don't beat yourself up.

You grew up expecting honesty, respect etc You learned the hard way as many women do that a very high proportion of men don't do that.

You're still young and you've learned. Your in a great position.

Entirely incidentally his ex must be a right c*nt to let you do the school run for & look after her child, while listening to him bitching about you, putting you down etc. and not telling him to STFU.

They really shouldn't have broken up, they're a well suited, pair of c*nts.

They'll probably only use & abuse other soft hearted, too kind people though - while keeping their little toxic, two faced connection going.

You're no longer one of the soft hearted people there using .... Keep it that way, love.

Celebrate your emancipation.

*they're.

Sorry for the random italics there

This is so true.

When I think about some of the situationships I was involved in in my 20s, infringe hard enough to pull a muscle.

His ex is stuck with this drunk, two faced, user, likes em young (or knows a young woman will be manipulated more easily), nasty wanker as a Dad for her child. And he's a shit Dad too cause he's introduced a woman into her life, involved the woman (too young a woman to be fair on the woman too but whatever) in her care and school runs .. . And treated that woman so poorly she's moving on (as she probably should have long before now) and can't be in her life in the sane way. Cause it was convenient for him and he's selfish. That's shit parenting.

And she's stick with him as the father of her child.

You are not. You are free to pick better.

*cringe (fkg autocorrect)

I was feeling pretty sad about how actually alone I'll be once I move.

It's going to be a big change from seeing him everyday and his DD 50%.

I need to hold onto the facts pointed out by pp, thank you.

I will be happier, but it gets worse before it better.

Leaving is lonely, but staying is lonelier.