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Original poster

Holiday help

20 replies

Star42 · 14/05/2023 10:59

My husband and I were talking about the summer holidays, he will take 3 weeks off and I’ll take a week off. I work 6 days a week and do most household chores/cooking and childcare. Without discussing it with me he has decided our 16 year old sons girlfriend will be coming away with us for 2 weeks even though I’d specifically said I really needed family time and maybe she could join them the week I’m not there.
He basically said it wasn’t up for discussion and it ended up in an argument!
we have 3 children and adding another teenager is going to be a financial strain. We aren’t well off by any means and it annoys me that he’s putting that upon me. I was hoping to eat out and do lots of activities but adding another person on and I feel like my own children aren’t going to be able to do as many paying activities as we will need to pay for her.

AIBU to want a 1 week holiday just with my boys ?

OP posts:
whichwayisup · 14/05/2023 11:10

I think the main thing here is... Why are you working 6 days a week and doing most of the household chores/cooking and childcare. And then why does he think he gets to make unilateral decisions.

Original poster
Star42 · 14/05/2023 11:39

I work a total of 35 hours spread out as I need to be home for the children after school.
He basically told me where we would be spending the summer holidays ! (A friends holiday home) Anyway it’s back to the drawing board as that fell through.
I specifically said I didn’t want to go to a camping site as I really want to relax without constant noise. He’s now saying he’s looking into a gaming site, I said maybe he could do 2 weeks there with the children and we do a week somewhere else but that was a firm no from him! I’m so tired of this

OP posts:
RuthTopp · 14/05/2023 11:43

Let him go away with your dc , and then you take them on the type of holiday you want .

Livinghappy · 14/05/2023 11:50

So I guess your H believes he makes the decision on holidays...is he like this with other areas such as finances?

Has your son lobbied for his gf to go? Could your H be trying to carry favour with your son?

whichwayisup · 14/05/2023 12:23

Well of course he's not bothered about the rest as much as you because he's not doing anything like as much as you. You need to drop to 50/50 then you might find he'll be on the same page. Which may or may not be divorce.

perfectcolourfound · 14/05/2023 12:26

Oh @Star42 he sounds vile.

You're a couple. A partnership. That means you both get an equal say, both your opinions matter, you both have equal power.

Your husband is treating you with utter disdain. Why does he think he gets to order you around? Why does he get to choose holidays but you don't? Why does he care so little that he invites someone else along when you specifically said you want a family holiday with your little time off? He can do what he wants while you're at work but it sounds like he's deliberately gone out of his way to arrange a holiday he knows you won't like.

I'm sure this is about much more than a holiday. Is he always this thoughtless, selfish, uncaring?

rookiemere · 14/05/2023 12:55

Star42 · 14/05/2023 11:39

I work a total of 35 hours spread out as I need to be home for the children after school.
He basically told me where we would be spending the summer holidays ! (A friends holiday home) Anyway it’s back to the drawing board as that fell through.
I specifically said I didn’t want to go to a camping site as I really want to relax without constant noise. He’s now saying he’s looking into a gaming site, I said maybe he could do 2 weeks there with the children and we do a week somewhere else but that was a firm no from him! I’m so tired of this

What's a gaming site ?

Original poster
Star42 · 14/05/2023 13:01

Camping site sorry !

OP posts:
rookiemere · 14/05/2023 13:24

Sorry I didn't mean to derail your thread.

Is he looking at camping options because they are the cheapest?

Have you looked at any other holidays?

I can sort of see the logic with the girlfriend- nothing worse than a mardy teenager - but presumably that means you need a massive tent, if not two.

Original poster
Star42 · 14/05/2023 13:26

It’s a camping site with mobile homes.
So not cheap at all

OP posts:
Whatifitallgoesright · 14/05/2023 13:28

Tell us what your ideal holiday would be.

Stratocumulus · 14/05/2023 13:28

Stand up and be counted!

Let him go camping or whatever with your boys and then you take your boys on the break you’d like.

Are you joined at the hip to your husband? He sounds very domineering and a tad selfish.

Original poster
Star42 · 14/05/2023 13:40

My ideal holiday would be visiting family but he’s flat out refusing that as it’s too expensive and I can’t afford it on my own

OP posts:
rookiemere · 14/05/2023 13:44

OP I can see why he might not want to spend the holidays visiting your family. Is there any other compromise that would work ? Say a static on a site rather than camping? Or a holiday cottage somewhere?

Original poster
Star42 · 14/05/2023 13:45

we have been together 25 years we’ve visited my family 3 times together and I’ve been home 5 times in total I don’t think it’s a big ask

OP posts:
Original poster
Star42 · 14/05/2023 13:48

I should ask I’ve stopped discussing visiting my family as I’m tired of the same old answer

OP posts:
Original poster
Star42 · 14/05/2023 13:48

Say not ask

OP posts:
2bazookas · 14/05/2023 14:14

Text the GF's mother and to "let you know" the cost per head of the holiday, and suggest her DD brings a couple of hundred more for activities and meals out . Remind her to arrange travel/health insurance for the girl and provide the details to you just in case. Assure her the teens will of course be sleeping in separate rooms.

Do this off your own bat without mention to DH or DS.. Then if GF decides not to come you act the astonished innocent who was being helpful to the other mum.

"Whaaaaat? I can't believe you intended us to PAY FOR her, you know we can't afford that. And you certainly were NOT going to have a double room with her, sonny. Dream on".

Time4achange2 · 14/05/2023 14:50

I'd suggest to him if he's making all the choices he also foots the total bill and you'll go away elsewhere.

If a family holiday then both adults decide jointly not one dictates to the other.

Or just tell him where to go. Cripes how on earth do you cope being controlled by an utter arse?

CalmBalonz · 20/11/2024 22:40

Go on strike. Who the hell does he think he is!

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