How can i say to my wife i don't like micro-management?

[hassan789]

How can i say to my wife i don't like micro-management? I said to my wife before my marriage that i have many female friends and very big social circle she said to me she don’t have any problem with my circle and she is very modern etc but after marriage she even have problem with my male friends, why i am going with them for outing etc i cut off my friendship even with female friends.
and i don’t like to lie even with anyone but due to her drama many times i started to lie with her which deep inside i don’t like.
what people suggest me what should i do, i tried many times that i should tell everything to my wife and we will live like best buddy but that is not working

Have a conversation with her about what each of you need.

Ask her what needs are driving her actions - is she feeling worried, insecure? Control is normally a symptom of anxiety and needing to feel safe in the world. Ask her if there’s anything you can do to make her feel more secure in your relationship, but also recognise that she can’t get internal security from you alone - it’s for her to work on too.

And ask her for what you need. Perhaps you need freedom to socialise with your friends, to have other people to talk to etc. Healthy and normal things to need. Tell her what it feels like when she questions where or why you’re going etc - be honest that it makes you feel annoyed or constricted etc, and if it makes you want to pull away from her or hide from her.

Once you’re both aware of what’s going on it’s easier to change actions. (Assuming you both have the will to own your feelings/needs and work on what’s getting in the way of you loving each other).

Avoid criticism btw. Instead of saying ‘you are micromanaging’ etc keep it to what you feel: ‘I feel x when you do x’

I would be interested in finding out whether this is an issue of her not liking you spending time with friends or whether she would like you to spend more time with her and the family. Which are 2 very different things

For example I have no problems when my husband having friends and spending time with them, but if I ask constantly being left alone with the children whilst he socialised I would not like it. Do you have kids? Does she get the same amount of free time?